Gotta Love Cuntiness Mixed With Fuckery!: Part Deux

Narrator: When we last left our heroine--What? No, Amy...not heroin. Heroine! You know, like a female hero? Just--never mind. *sighs* Anyway, when we last left La Reina, her "man" was pissy with her for going to a Lesbian club, accused her of being unfaithful because she was not having sex with him, and suggested they go to a 'tel the next day to have sex, which she agreed to. Let's see what happens next!


It wasn't memorable. Truthfully, he didn't even come close to The Ex-Dealer. That shit was the Tortise and the Hare, so guess which one Z was. Not to say that he was fast, because he wasn't (though I wanted him to be), he just...lost. After the sexy time, shit really started to go downhill.

He talked on his cell to a woman for about 15 minutes about the Chicago Sky (our WNBA team), how hard he was trying to get in touch with her, and was about to start talking about her love life when I cleared my throat to remind him that I was still in the room. THEN he proceeded to tell the woman how he was going to call her later on and to keep the phone right by her. I don't know who the woman was in relation to him nor did he tell me. He also did not tell her that he had to get off of the phone because he was with his GIRLFRIEND, just that he had to go.

He took a call from his baby mama in the bathroom (i.e. NOT the room that I was in) and talked to her for about 10 minutes. He SAYS that it was about picking up his son for the night, but who knows? I made a crack about how he was taking calls in other rooms and how that was "interesting" (all with a smile on my face, of course) and he got a bit salty.

He called me a Lesbian. o_o

He asked me if I was taking anti-depressants because my mother was. Yeah, like that's really some Monkey-See, Monkey-Do shit. *rolls eyes*

He questioned my need to take them...AGAIN.

He implied that all pussy is the same for Lesbians, no matter how the woman looks because pussy is pussy.

He told me that his friend was coming to pick us up to get something to eat and to go to an arcade up North. He also told me that said friend was the one that taught him all that he knows and that he didn't want dude to drop me off last because of how he is with women. Oh, and Z also made sure to tell me how his friend dealt with Bisexual women and didn't mind at all if they had a girlfriend on the side. Ok, and this is valid information to me because? Anyway, his friend picked us up and he was fiiiiiiine! Like a sexy version of Ne-Yo (trust me, it exists), you know, without all the Geigh seal-ness of him and all. We decided to hit up a Chinese spot down the street and then swing by my house so I could drop it off and then hit the arcade.

Yeah...it didn't quite go that way.

We got to the Chinese food place and maaaaaaan...dude was PMS-ing worse than me! He bitched about everything! The amount of food I was getting, how long it was taking them to prepare it ("Come ooooooooooooon! It's taking, like, an HOUR!"), how late it was getting, and the smell of my food! I actually asked him if he was PMS-ing and he said, "Maybe so.". (!) (?) Not only did he do all of that, take a gander at the following exchange...

His friend: So...do you mind if I ask what nationality you are?

Me: Not at all. I'm mixed, but I'm mostly Black--

Z: *snorts derisively*
Me: *side-eyes him*

Z: Mostly Black?!? Get outta here! *talking to his friend* Have you SEEN her mama?!? she WHITE!

Me: *getting peeved* Like I was saying...*rolls eyes at Z and looks at his friend* I'm Black--

Z: *snickers* You just ashamed to admit that you're mixed.

Me: No, I am proud to say that I am mixed but I'm even prouder to say that I am a BLACK woman! My mother is half-Black and my father is Black so I'm more than half-Black, Z! NOW!...*turns to his friend and clears throat* I AM BLACK, German, Jewish and Native American, I believe from the Blackfoot tribe. My mother is half-Black with some Native American and half-German and Jewish and my father is Black with strong Native American roots. *looks at Z and gives him the George Lopez "And what?!?" face and sits back in chair*

Z: *looking at me like "WTF?!? Man, whatever."*

His friend: *DEAD*


Ok, I got my food and we got in the car. I asked Z if he wanted to just go to the arcade with his friend and drop me off and to my surprise, he said yes, because they were going to end up chilling for a while. His friend's response: "Man, I gotta work tomorrow!". I was giggling my ass off but I don't know if he knew it was because his friend just fronted him off AGAIN (earlier his friend thought that I had said that I was with him for 2 years and his friend was like, "Damn Z! That's some kind of record for you, ain't it?"). Did I care if he knew? Not one bit. At this point I started being very sarcastic/caustic towards him and that's how I KNEW it was over between us. I don't do shit like that to people I care about/feel for AND I was enjoying it so, yeah...over. For example...

Me: Are you walking me to the door, dear?

Him: *with a BAD British accent* But, of course! What kind of gentlemen would I be if I didn't?

Me: *holds my tongue for a moment*...*deadpan* Right because I am constantly reminded of your greatness. All the time. Every day. o_o

His friend: *snickering like Snideley from "Amazing Races"*


We pulled up to my house and after saying goodbye to his friend, me and Z went to my porch. I told him that I really didn't think that we should be together because it's too much shit that we don't agree on. He told me that he wanted me to go upstairs, enjoy my food and think about it because he didn't want to end things like this. He also irritated me further by acting all brand new about my neighbors (male AND female) being nosey as hell about comings and goings, especially from my house. Actually, he was acting brand new all yesterday! There were about three things that I told Z almost from the jump: I'm Bisexual, I'm on anti-depressants, and my neighbors are nosey as fuck. *like a preacher* But heeee don't hea' meeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

After relating the bullshit to my mother, I gave Z a call. I told him that I "thought" about it and that we should split up.

Him: Damn...oh, by the way, I think my guy wants to holla at you.

Me: What?!? How you figure?

Him: 'Cause y'all was just conversin' and havin' a nice time and I think he likes you.

Me: o_0 Um...*chuckles* I don't date someone that I've been with's friends or family. That's nasty and classless.

Him: Ok. I was just saying. Y'all might make a better match for each other.

Me: *chokes* Oh, God...

Then he starts to go off about how I didn't pay enough attention to him and how I thought it was all about me and how I didn't pay him the kind of attention he wanted. What did he want? To come into my house. Now, I view my house as my inner sanctum so I don't let just anyone in. Yes, I knew him for almost 2 months but he was actin' WAY funny so he wasn't getting in there. Also, my mother is disabled so a lot of the time she doesn't feel like having company and I'm going to respect that. I told him the part about my mom and he was like, "Well, y'all need to make amends--". I told his ass that we were NOT arguing and that I was NOT about to get into it with my DISABLED mother just so he could visit. FUCKALLDAT!

Then he was telling me how he's being going through a lot for the past week and I didn't notice that and I wasn't concerned. I told him that he didn't tell me so how was I supposed to know? He said that he didn't know how to express himself as well as I do. At this point, I really think I just flipped out and didn't give a flying fuck anymore. I asked him how he could get mad at me for not being concerned about his problems when I didn't even know he had any problems in the first place because he didn't tell me and can't express himself? I don't think he had a response to that. He did apologize for all the shit he said, but I could feel him smirking through the phone. Then he said something that really pissed me off: "I think those anti-depressants are messing with you.". *GASPS* I was ready to fuck his ass up then. He's gonna throw that in my face when I took CARE not to be dirty and mention his fucked-up family and upbringing! I told him that, too. Matter of fact, that's when he apologized. And y'all know I was just "Mmm-hmm"-ing through all that shit, right? Right.

At the end, I told him that I didn't want to deal with all this shit anymore and that it's over. Do you know that muthafucka tried to tell me to think about it and he'll call me back tomorrow? *cackles* He was on some, "Talktoyoulaterkbye!" type of shit because, as he said, "It's not really over unless both people agree to it.". Like, if he doesn't hear me say it, it's not valid. Pfft! Nuts to THAT! I told him that it was over...again. He said that he was straight up asking me if we could work things out. I damn near laughed in his ear. I was like, "I'm a "Lesbian" on anti-depressants...why the HELL do you want to be with me?!? *LMAO* ".I told him that it was over and we said goodbye.

You would think that that's the end of the story, right?


Nuh-uh!


After cackling with my mother about all this shit, the phone rings. Keep in mind that I'm talking about my HOUSE phone since my cell is off.

Me: Hello?

Male: May I speak to V?

Me: Who's calling?

Male: It's [BLANK], Z's friend.

Me: Oh! Um....

Him: I don't know what he told you but I just wanted to talk with you. I mean, you have really nice conversation and you make good eye contact and I just wanted to talk to you for a while.

Me: *laughs uncomfortably* Um...I don't talk to the friend of someone I've been with.

Him: Oh NO! It's not like that! I'm not trying to date you. Hell, I'm not even trying to pick you up!

Me: *with fake indignation* Well!

Him: *laughs* Nah, not like THAT! I mean, I don't know what the situation is between y'all but I asked for you number and he said that you weren't his lady so he didn't mind if I had it.

Me: Um, I'm not his lady because I DUMPED him TONIGHT. We were in a relationship for a month or so and I JUST dumped him about 30 minutes ago. Don't you think it's funny that I do that and he give you my number??

Him: Wow...*with a bunch of concern in his voice* What happened between y'all?

Me: *smirking* Um, I really don't feel like discussing that right now. Let's just say that we couldn't agree on a lot.

Him: I feel you. So, can we talk?

Me: Well, like I said, I don't talk to the friends or fam of any one of my exes, so I think that for everyone's sanity, we shouldn't talk. It was really nice to meet you, though.

Him: *makes one last attempt*

Me: *getting annoyed but sounding sweet as pie* I don't think so...but it was really nice to meet you, though!

Him: You, too!

Me: K! Bye! *hangs up*


I had already non-verbally told my mother that it was his friend on the phone and she was on pins and needles when I got off. When I told her what happened all she said was that she wanted to smack the hell out of Z. I'm still dying laughing over this shit cause it's just so outrageous that I can't believe it. Truth be told, I'm actually thinking about celebrating this day every year by saying to most asshattish think I can think of at the time. Any other suggestions?


Thanking the Heavens that I don't have to hear about his fucking workout routine again,


Reina Negra V