And They Called Him "Dickalicious"

On the way to see The Dealer (well, former now, I guess) a bit less than a month ago, I happened to look up the escalator to see a guy looking down at me and bobbin' his head to whatever I was listening to (damn those loud ass headphones!). He started flirting with me and seeing as how I was on my way to Happy Dick and Pus'e Land (didn't get there but we ain't gonna talk about that right nah, mmkay?) I was feeling a bit...we'll say "generous" so I decided to engage ol' boy.

Some of the things he wanted me to know:

He's a rapper. That seems to be a very common occupation around here. Kinda makes me wistful for the days when some dudes named Soldiers of War would walk up and down 87th hawking their CD's. *sighs*

He's part American Indian. Now, that shit was skrait up out of the blue cause wasn't nan nobody talking about heritage. He just had to point out the "good hurr". SMH

He has two kids by the same woman. Oh, and I'm supposed to believe there's no BMD (Baby Mama Drama)? Yuh-huh.

He has a really big dick and used to be a stripper by the name of "Dickalicious".


*record scratches*


*blinks*


Ok, what had happened was...

On the L platform, I told him that I was on the way to see my guy. I specifically left my destination a bit ambiguous until I could check him out more. Yeah...once he sat down next to me and I got a whiff of his breff (YES, breff!) my destination suddenly became clear to me and I "remembered" that I had a "boyfriend". After hearing that, he swung his ass around the pole next to my seat to get to another so fast I thought his ass was...

A) Spiderman

B) Practicing the "Sante Fe" dance routine from Rent: The Movie

or C) A skrippa.


Turns out the answer was "C".


He told me that that's how he got that move and then he started telling me how he got the name. Apparently, he's too big for a lot of females to handle. *rolls eyes* It's not the first time I've heard that (although it's the first time I heard it on the damn train) and it's not gonna be the last but the shit that kills me is the fact that he was stating that "fact" as plainly as he would say anything else. He didn't go the whole, "Yeah, it's BIG. Can YOU handle it?" or wink at me or any of the usual shit. He just said it straight out. I kinda had to respect his gangsta for that.


Did I mention that the whole time this was occuring I was trying really really hard not to laugh my ayass (yep) off? Thought y'all might wanna know that li'l tidbit.

Anyway, he started on the whole, "We can just be friends." thing but y'all know how that shit goes and he was starting to be on some, "What he don't know won't hurt him" BS so I shot him down and he took his ass to the next car.


So, let's review:

He's a rapper
He drew attention to his "good hurr" and let me in on his ancestry
He has two kids by the same woman (did I mention dude's, like, 22?)
He used to be a skrippa
He has a big dick that most women can't handle
He has hot ass breff
Yep, sounds like a hood romance (possibly a homance) to me! *shudders*

Oh, and I never did get the dick that night.


Damn.