Monday, July 16, 2007

Did Somebody Say DICK?!?

Oh, Alexyss! *sighs* You have a good message but I'll be damned if it's being taken how you would like it. I, for one, cannot watch any of your videos without wanting to CTFU (crack the fuck up) or DCD (dramatic cunt drop/dip). I don't think I've ever posted one of her videos, but due to the recent events in my life it seems to be needed now more than ever. On this particular video, Ms. Taylor tells the tale of a man who flew to ATL to give some good dick to a woman and the woman ain't been right in the head since. A.T's mannarisms remind me of my drunk aunt. It's like her coming up to me and trying to teach me the game on men while holding an Old Style can.

I give to you, a gift of hot dick and nuts!


Reina Negra V

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Young Boys Have NO Game

I know the above title is stating the obvious, but y'all know y'all lubs my "EW! He's talking to meeeeeeee!" stories so here are some more!

About a week or so ago, I was headed to the corner store and, as usual, I had my headphones blaring. I walked passed a group of about 6 or 7 young dudes and even though my music was loud I could STILL hear one of them going, "Ay girl! AY!!". I purchased some stuff and walked back out. As I weaved my way through the crowd I heard the same asinine shit they were spitting and I got sick of it.

Me: What the FUCK do you want?!?

Main Dumbass: Ay ma...if you wanna be down with Dipset, you gotta get yo lips wet.

Me (thinking): What the hayle does that shit mean? He is NOT still on some "Dipset! Dipset" shit! ARGGH!

Me (speaking): Fuck y'all. *walks away*

The Dumbass Crew: *spewing the usual derogatory statements towards females*

Me: *sashays down the street to the tune of "Shut Up and Drive"*

I just LOVE living in the hood! *gags*

Later on that week, I was in the same store when this young, short and not so attractive young boy strolls in.

Him: *tries to pass me a flyer for a restaurant around the way*

Me: I already have one of those, but thanks.

Him: Well, you ain't called.

Me: *raises eyebrow* And how would YOU know that?

Him: Because I haven't delivered to your house.

Me: *makes mental note to NEVER order from that place*

Him: How old you is?

Me: *DEAD* *stiffles laughter* I'm 22.

Him: Fo real?

Me: *thinking* This fool betta NOT say he's in his 20's or some shit!

Him: I just turned 18 a week ago!

Me: *trying not to CTFU* *thinking* Bless yo heaaaaaart!
*speaking* How CUUUUTE! That's so precious!

Him: I'm still trying to celebrate it. Wanna help me?

Me: Nah. I'm good.

Him: You got a man?

Me: *lying my ASS off* Yep.

Him: *trying to be sly* What he don't know won't hurt him.

Me: *thinking* Whoever taught this boy his game should be shot!
*speaking* Well, I don't roll like that.

Him: Look at you! Cheesin' an' shit!

Me: *annoyed and through gritted teeth* I'm trying to be polite.

Him: Oh, really.

Me: *sighs* Yes.

Him: *some indeciphrable shit about playing games*

Me: *walks right the fuck out*

So not only am I a magnet for old ass men, I'm one for young ass boys with NO kinda game! I be so young and so CLICHED is a damn shame! Men, if you just HAVE to teach your sons how to be pimps, playas, etc at least teach him the right kind of game! Tell him to stop hanging around with know nothing friends and listen to some old school shit. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PIMPTASTIC, PLEASE!

This public service announcemnt has been brought to you by the letter "L" (for LAME) and the Association of Women Tired of Hearing Weak-Ass Game.