Monday, September 24, 2007

Gotta Love Chi-Town

This might seem a bit two-faced, considering my last two posts, but dammit, this shit is creative! It's the type of stuff I grew up on and to be honest, I really think that it takes a lot of cleverness and mental stamina to freestyle, let alone some ish like this without stumbling! I present to you...

Lookin' Ass Nigga

This shyt has destroyed me more than I can say. I rebuke the good (kinda. Sorta. Maybe. Nah!) people at O Hell Nawl for exposing me to this but I lubs y'all at the same time. It's not right, but it's OK!

Now, get y'all "I got a dolla hey hey hey HEY!" lookin' azzes off my momofukin' page!

Or comment. Either way is fine.

From the mind of one "Save the cheerleader, Save the world", Peter Petrelli lovin' lookin' azz broad,

Reina Negra V

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Dave Chappelle Couldn't Have Done It Better

I'm STILL Waiting For "Crank Dat Liu Kang"

Now, I love creativity as much the next person but DAMN! This shit is getting just plain stupid now. For the love of Fred Astaire, The Nicholas Brothers, Alvin Ailey and Savion Glover...hell, for the love of Chris Brown...MAKE IT STOP!!

Crank Dat Grandpa

Crank Dat Lion King

Crank Dat Jump Rope

Crank Dat Cookie Cookie

Crank Dat Byyahhh

Crank Dat Whatcha Call It

Crank Dat Dragon Ball Z

Crank Dat Head Banga

*sighs* They neva shoulda gave y'all niggas OR crackas camcorders!

Reina Negra V

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Gotta Love Cuntiness Mixed With Fuckery!: Part Deux

Narrator: When we last left our heroine--What? No, Amy...not heroin. Heroine! You know, like a female hero? Just--never mind. *sighs* Anyway, when we last left La Reina, her "man" was pissy with her for going to a Lesbian club, accused her of being unfaithful because she was not having sex with him, and suggested they go to a 'tel the next day to have sex, which she agreed to. Let's see what happens next!

It wasn't memorable. Truthfully, he didn't even come close to The Ex-Dealer. That shit was the Tortise and the Hare, so guess which one Z was. Not to say that he was fast, because he wasn't (though I wanted him to be), he just...lost. After the sexy time, shit really started to go downhill.

He talked on his cell to a woman for about 15 minutes about the Chicago Sky (our WNBA team), how hard he was trying to get in touch with her, and was about to start talking about her love life when I cleared my throat to remind him that I was still in the room. THEN he proceeded to tell the woman how he was going to call her later on and to keep the phone right by her. I don't know who the woman was in relation to him nor did he tell me. He also did not tell her that he had to get off of the phone because he was with his GIRLFRIEND, just that he had to go.

He took a call from his baby mama in the bathroom (i.e. NOT the room that I was in) and talked to her for about 10 minutes. He SAYS that it was about picking up his son for the night, but who knows? I made a crack about how he was taking calls in other rooms and how that was "interesting" (all with a smile on my face, of course) and he got a bit salty.

He called me a Lesbian. o_o

He asked me if I was taking anti-depressants because my mother was. Yeah, like that's really some Monkey-See, Monkey-Do shit. *rolls eyes*

He questioned my need to take them...AGAIN.

He implied that all pussy is the same for Lesbians, no matter how the woman looks because pussy is pussy.

He told me that his friend was coming to pick us up to get something to eat and to go to an arcade up North. He also told me that said friend was the one that taught him all that he knows and that he didn't want dude to drop me off last because of how he is with women. Oh, and Z also made sure to tell me how his friend dealt with Bisexual women and didn't mind at all if they had a girlfriend on the side. Ok, and this is valid information to me because? Anyway, his friend picked us up and he was fiiiiiiine! Like a sexy version of Ne-Yo (trust me, it exists), you know, without all the Geigh seal-ness of him and all. We decided to hit up a Chinese spot down the street and then swing by my house so I could drop it off and then hit the arcade. didn't quite go that way.

We got to the Chinese food place and maaaaaaan...dude was PMS-ing worse than me! He bitched about everything! The amount of food I was getting, how long it was taking them to prepare it ("Come ooooooooooooon! It's taking, like, an HOUR!"), how late it was getting, and the smell of my food! I actually asked him if he was PMS-ing and he said, "Maybe so.". (!) (?) Not only did he do all of that, take a gander at the following exchange...

His friend: you mind if I ask what nationality you are?

Me: Not at all. I'm mixed, but I'm mostly Black--

Z: *snorts derisively*
Me: *side-eyes him*

Z: Mostly Black?!? Get outta here! *talking to his friend* Have you SEEN her mama?!? she WHITE!

Me: *getting peeved* Like I was saying...*rolls eyes at Z and looks at his friend* I'm Black--

Z: *snickers* You just ashamed to admit that you're mixed.

Me: No, I am proud to say that I am mixed but I'm even prouder to say that I am a BLACK woman! My mother is half-Black and my father is Black so I'm more than half-Black, Z! NOW!...*turns to his friend and clears throat* I AM BLACK, German, Jewish and Native American, I believe from the Blackfoot tribe. My mother is half-Black with some Native American and half-German and Jewish and my father is Black with strong Native American roots. *looks at Z and gives him the George Lopez "And what?!?" face and sits back in chair*

Z: *looking at me like "WTF?!? Man, whatever."*

His friend: *DEAD*

Ok, I got my food and we got in the car. I asked Z if he wanted to just go to the arcade with his friend and drop me off and to my surprise, he said yes, because they were going to end up chilling for a while. His friend's response: "Man, I gotta work tomorrow!". I was giggling my ass off but I don't know if he knew it was because his friend just fronted him off AGAIN (earlier his friend thought that I had said that I was with him for 2 years and his friend was like, "Damn Z! That's some kind of record for you, ain't it?"). Did I care if he knew? Not one bit. At this point I started being very sarcastic/caustic towards him and that's how I KNEW it was over between us. I don't do shit like that to people I care about/feel for AND I was enjoying it so, yeah...over. For example...

Me: Are you walking me to the door, dear?

Him: *with a BAD British accent* But, of course! What kind of gentlemen would I be if I didn't?

Me: *holds my tongue for a moment*...*deadpan* Right because I am constantly reminded of your greatness. All the time. Every day. o_o

His friend: *snickering like Snideley from "Amazing Races"*

We pulled up to my house and after saying goodbye to his friend, me and Z went to my porch. I told him that I really didn't think that we should be together because it's too much shit that we don't agree on. He told me that he wanted me to go upstairs, enjoy my food and think about it because he didn't want to end things like this. He also irritated me further by acting all brand new about my neighbors (male AND female) being nosey as hell about comings and goings, especially from my house. Actually, he was acting brand new all yesterday! There were about three things that I told Z almost from the jump: I'm Bisexual, I'm on anti-depressants, and my neighbors are nosey as fuck. *like a preacher* But heeee don't hea' meeeeeeeeeeeeeh!

After relating the bullshit to my mother, I gave Z a call. I told him that I "thought" about it and that we should split up.

Him: Damn...oh, by the way, I think my guy wants to holla at you.

Me: What?!? How you figure?

Him: 'Cause y'all was just conversin' and havin' a nice time and I think he likes you.

Me: o_0 Um...*chuckles* I don't date someone that I've been with's friends or family. That's nasty and classless.

Him: Ok. I was just saying. Y'all might make a better match for each other.

Me: *chokes* Oh, God...

Then he starts to go off about how I didn't pay enough attention to him and how I thought it was all about me and how I didn't pay him the kind of attention he wanted. What did he want? To come into my house. Now, I view my house as my inner sanctum so I don't let just anyone in. Yes, I knew him for almost 2 months but he was actin' WAY funny so he wasn't getting in there. Also, my mother is disabled so a lot of the time she doesn't feel like having company and I'm going to respect that. I told him the part about my mom and he was like, "Well, y'all need to make amends--". I told his ass that we were NOT arguing and that I was NOT about to get into it with my DISABLED mother just so he could visit. FUCKALLDAT!

Then he was telling me how he's being going through a lot for the past week and I didn't notice that and I wasn't concerned. I told him that he didn't tell me so how was I supposed to know? He said that he didn't know how to express himself as well as I do. At this point, I really think I just flipped out and didn't give a flying fuck anymore. I asked him how he could get mad at me for not being concerned about his problems when I didn't even know he had any problems in the first place because he didn't tell me and can't express himself? I don't think he had a response to that. He did apologize for all the shit he said, but I could feel him smirking through the phone. Then he said something that really pissed me off: "I think those anti-depressants are messing with you.". *GASPS* I was ready to fuck his ass up then. He's gonna throw that in my face when I took CARE not to be dirty and mention his fucked-up family and upbringing! I told him that, too. Matter of fact, that's when he apologized. And y'all know I was just "Mmm-hmm"-ing through all that shit, right? Right.

At the end, I told him that I didn't want to deal with all this shit anymore and that it's over. Do you know that muthafucka tried to tell me to think about it and he'll call me back tomorrow? *cackles* He was on some, "Talktoyoulaterkbye!" type of shit because, as he said, "It's not really over unless both people agree to it.". Like, if he doesn't hear me say it, it's not valid. Pfft! Nuts to THAT! I told him that it was over...again. He said that he was straight up asking me if we could work things out. I damn near laughed in his ear. I was like, "I'm a "Lesbian" on anti-depressants...why the HELL do you want to be with me?!? *LMAO* ".I told him that it was over and we said goodbye.

You would think that that's the end of the story, right?


After cackling with my mother about all this shit, the phone rings. Keep in mind that I'm talking about my HOUSE phone since my cell is off.

Me: Hello?

Male: May I speak to V?

Me: Who's calling?

Male: It's [BLANK], Z's friend.

Me: Oh! Um....

Him: I don't know what he told you but I just wanted to talk with you. I mean, you have really nice conversation and you make good eye contact and I just wanted to talk to you for a while.

Me: *laughs uncomfortably* Um...I don't talk to the friend of someone I've been with.

Him: Oh NO! It's not like that! I'm not trying to date you. Hell, I'm not even trying to pick you up!

Me: *with fake indignation* Well!

Him: *laughs* Nah, not like THAT! I mean, I don't know what the situation is between y'all but I asked for you number and he said that you weren't his lady so he didn't mind if I had it.

Me: Um, I'm not his lady because I DUMPED him TONIGHT. We were in a relationship for a month or so and I JUST dumped him about 30 minutes ago. Don't you think it's funny that I do that and he give you my number??

Him: Wow...*with a bunch of concern in his voice* What happened between y'all?

Me: *smirking* Um, I really don't feel like discussing that right now. Let's just say that we couldn't agree on a lot.

Him: I feel you. So, can we talk?

Me: Well, like I said, I don't talk to the friends or fam of any one of my exes, so I think that for everyone's sanity, we shouldn't talk. It was really nice to meet you, though.

Him: *makes one last attempt*

Me: *getting annoyed but sounding sweet as pie* I don't think so...but it was really nice to meet you, though!

Him: You, too!

Me: K! Bye! *hangs up*

I had already non-verbally told my mother that it was his friend on the phone and she was on pins and needles when I got off. When I told her what happened all she said was that she wanted to smack the hell out of Z. I'm still dying laughing over this shit cause it's just so outrageous that I can't believe it. Truth be told, I'm actually thinking about celebrating this day every year by saying to most asshattish think I can think of at the time. Any other suggestions?

Thanking the Heavens that I don't have to hear about his fucking workout routine again,

Reina Negra V

Gotta Love Cuntiness Mixed With Fuckery!

The second reason why this has been a hell of a week? It all comes down to one word: FUCKERY. Well, it can also be explained by "douchiness", "asshattery", "fucktardness", "assholery", "asininess" and anything else you can think of, but we'll just go with fuckery for now, mmkay? Thx! Oh, and this'll be part 1 of the saga, just to let y'all know.

As y'all may or may not know, I had a boyfriend for a while. We'll call him Z. Z was 28 years old, about 5 ft 9 or 10, light-skinned with wavy hair, hazel-green (real) eyes and a 50 Cent-ish physique. I met him one night on the bus (shut. up.) on my way home from running errands last month. We clicked and ended up starting a relationship. We spent so much time together (at least once a week) that we really started liking each other quickly. We talked about our lives, our goals (he has an online business and I would like to own and run a restaurant and/or catering company and be an executive chef), our families, mental disorders (Depression runs in my family and other stuff runs in his), tramas, just everything. I told him almost from the get-go that I was Bi and he seemed to accept that. I also told him that I was taking anti-depressants and he seemed to accept that as well, although he had a LOT of questions and I had to correct him on quite a few things. Everything was cool until last Friday.

We went to the theater to see "Balls of Fury" (funny movie, btw) and when I was on my way to the bathroom after it ended, I saw Nikki (ol girl from the last post). Seeing as how she's my friend, I hugged the shit out of her and we spoke for about 15 minutes. I introduced her to Z, went to the bathroom, hugged her goodbye again and left. After all of this Z seemed kind of moody and he wasn't speaking much. I told him that Nik was there with her ex-boyfriend but that she considers herself a Lesbian (I think) and that her girlfriend was okay with her being out with the ex. Z said that he got confused because he saw the rainbow bracelet but there she was with a guy. For some reason unknown to me (most likely that I just can't keep my mouth shit), I explained Nik's and I history: Met in 2004, dated, had drama, became friends again. Still, he didn't really say anything so I shrugged it off.

The next day I had a message from him on my voice mail stated that he wanted to break up with me. Why? Let's see...we had a lot in common but we really didn't have a lot in common, our life views weren't the same and he really couldn't see himself being with me. o_0 WTF?!? I called him back, but didn't leave a message. He called back again (unbeknownst to me) and left another message stating that his priorities were his son and his business and that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship! *clears throat* BULLSHIT! When we were dating he was talking about how much we had in common and how good we would be together and when we were together he kept talking about our future and how much he was bragging on me so what the HELL was he talking about?!?

I called him a couple of days later and told him that I didn't want our relationship to end and I wanted to know why he was acting funny towards me. He called me back on Thursday night (September 13th), he came over and we ended up getting back together. What was his real reason for dumping me, you ask? He didn't like the fact that I was Bisexual. Urm...I told him that more than a month ago and he was just peachy with it! Maybe it was seeing me hug a girl that he knew was Les. *shrugs* His real view about my "preference" came out that night:

"Bisexuality doesn't exist. I've talked to Gay people and they've told me that there's no such thing as Bisexuals. You're either Gay or you're not."

After sighing very heavily and chuckling a bit, I explained to him that my ORIENTATION was Bisexual and that my PREFERENCE was men. He still didn't get it. I tried to explain to him that I'm not the type of Bisexual that keeps a girl on the side, I don't like men who subscribe to the whole "My Girl Got A Girlfriend" bullshit, and I will not cheat on him with ANYONE, be they male or female. Nope, he wasn't buying it. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until I damn near broke down and cried while explaining how hard it is to be Bi and how I feel like/seen as a piece of ass sometimes for/by some men, curious women, Bi women AND Lesbians that he said that he "understood". I told him before he came over that I had plans to go to a Lesbian club with Nik and I told him after we got back together that I was STILL going. Apparently, he didn't hear that.

The next night (Friday, September 14) I called him from the club (ok, maybe that was stupid. I'm not a club person. Sue me. o_o) to let him know that I was ok and that I was thinking of him. Then I called Saturday afternoon. No response. Saturday night: no response. Hmmm...that's odd. Finally, he calls me on Sunday and tells me that the reason why he wasn't calling me or answering his phone was because he was pissed that I went to the Lesbian club. *sighs* This muthafucka called himself "punishing" me because I had the nerve to do something that he didn't agree with. Lawd! He started twisting every word I said, proceeded to tell me that his baby mama is pregnant again (and that it ain't his but she was crying over the phone to him about it) like that's any of my concern, that he got back from church and after receiving the Word concluded that the way I was wasn't "right", that he had needs and should find himself a "rebound chick" (I should've hung up at that point but didn't), just all kinds of fucktastic stuff.

I alternated between anger and shock for the whole of the convo up until he told me he had to call me back. Dammit, I called HIM back so we could get all this shit straight and he actually told me that he thought that I was having sex with someone else because...wait for it...I WASN'T HAVING IT WITH HIM! *smacks forehead* Oy... *sighs* At that point (since everything came back to sex) I saw what he was on so I was thinking, "Hey, might as well get my rocks off and get it over with.". He suggested that we go to a spot and we did just that yesterday.

That's the end of Part 1! Read the next post for what happened last night!

Lesbians Have More Fun in Da Club

This has been one hell of a week!

First, as y'all may or may not know, I'm Bisexual (more towards the straight side), however I haven't had a chance to really explore the GLBTWhatevertermthecomeupwithnext world. Enter Nikki. I've known Nikki since 2004 (I think). We've been through so many fights, breakups, ups and downs that it ain't even funny but somehow we've remained friends through it all (between the fights, breakups, etc. that is). She's been trying to get me to go out to a club with her for about 2 years and this past Friday, I finally did it - I went to a Lesbian club! Yay for me! Me, her and her girlfriend went to The Generator which is a nice little spot to dance and chill. We got there early as hell so it was boring but once it picked up, WHOOOOOOOO!! I shook my ass all night long in a black minidress with 4-inch FuckTheShitOutOfMe Pumps with freshly dyed light blond hair! Ya girl was BANGIN'! I also engaged in a wee bit of coonery. Yes, my friends, I Cranked Dat and I Cupid Shuffled and I did it well! *smiles* Lawd knows I paid for it Saturday and Sunday but I had so much fun and I can't wait to do it again!

Things that happened at the club of note:

I grinded with and got hit on by a sexy, thick-ass 30-year-old femme with more ass and tits than I can ever hope to have unless I hit up a plastic surgeon.

Grabbed by and grinded with a big girl who was putting on a show for her studsband.

Got a lap dance from Nikki.

Got a lap dance from Nikki's girlfriend's friend (who is a sexy ass stud, by the way).

Gave a lap dance to said stud friend.

Got hit on HARD by said stud friend.

Debated the existance of Bisexuality with said stud friend.

Watched an *clears throat* "dancer" shake her ass and hips so hard that I said that I would GLADLY pay ALL of her hospital bills if she broke something ( strip clubs for me, thanks).

Felt like a hooker shufflin' my ass to the club when it's 45 degress outside in a thin-ass jacket with black minidress and hooker heels.

The second reason for this headline will be the next post.

To tha right, tha right, tha right, tha right, tha riiiiiiiight and watch me yooooooooooooooo,

Reina Negra V

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Squirt, Squirt!



At first I thought it was going to be a new dance ala "Crank Dat/Spiderman/Superman/WonderWoman/Urkel/Whatevathehell" or a banga like "Laffy Taffy" but I was wrong on both accounts.

And being wrong has NEVA felt so momofukin' right!

Reina Negra V

P.S. Thanks to ms. eerie from C+D for this mess!

Kanye FINALLY Mans the FUCK Up!

Pfft! Nah! Just playin'!

*puts on tiny pank hat*

*sucks teeth*

Don't be mad, 'Ye.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Dame Beyoncita!

Recently, I came across the lyric sheet for "Amor Gitano", a song Beyonce aka Beyoncita Knowlera did with Alejandro Fernandez for "Zorro: La Espada y la Rosa". Try as she might, she is not fluent in Spanish, nor can she read it so in order to record the song, it had to be written phonetically. Here are the excerpts.


Ven E kay-da-tay con-me-go
Dah-meh cora-zone
Vee-da me aye S-toy murry-endo lento me pris-ion

[Alejandro sings his verse]


Con-teego soy ca-paz dey low kay say-ah
No me em-pour-ta low kay ven-gah
Pour-kay yah say ah doan-dey voy

[Alejandro sings some ish]


Soy two he-ta-no
Two com-pan-yeah-ruh
La kay tay see-gay
La kay tay s-pear-ra
Voy ah keh-rare tay ah-un-ken me sah-ken L core-a-zone



E ah-un-ken dwell-ah low kay dwell-ah



Yo nah-see pa-rah twos oh-hoes
Pa-rah nah-dee-ay-mas
See-em-pray voy ah S-tar N two ca-me-no

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Too True For Words!

Somebody's been in my neighborhood again, I see.

Ok, they're not QUITE as bad as this vid, but they aren't far behind. Ol' girl had my reaction, though.

Seein' all y'all'ss boody, breastusses, dick and nutzs in IMAX,

Reina Negra V

P.S. Thanks to Shanna for the vid! *blows a kiss*

Sunday, September 02, 2007

It's a Weng-Weng Thang!

Ladies and gentleman...the baddest Filipino under 3 ft....WENG-WENG!!

I love you Weng-WEEEEENNNNG!!

Reina Negra V

Respect the Porn Industry, Dammit! NSFW!

Ok, so you're at your computer ready to whack off or finger pop to an illegally downloaded file filled with the finest that the porn industry has to offer. You're not hurting anyone, right?

WRONG! Porn Piracy (or PP, as it's more commonly known) affects the thousands that work in the porn industry every day! I'm not just talking about your Caramels, your Ayana Angels, your Indias, Mandingos, Devlin Weeds (although that muthafucka surely has a gang of cash stashed since he's been in every damn porn since the 80's! ....*clears throat*), your Tony Evereadys and yes...even your Lexxington Steeles. Sad, isn't it? What's even sadder is that the fine folks behind the scenes of your favorite visual mastebatory materials are being shafted. Not only the produceres and writers, but the fluffers, the jizz moppers, and the ball waxers! Yes...even the ball waxers.

Today, I bring you one of the faces of the campaign to end PP. Listen to his plight and do all you can to stop PP! Borrow a tape from a friend, visit a reputable online porn store or just go and spread some bucks at your local porn shop. Whatever you do, PLEASE....stop PP-ing.

The Queef Editor thanks you,

Reina Negra V

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Bullshit Notes From Summer 2007 Pt. 2

After I sent him that note, he hit me with one later and boy, was it a doozy! I just sent him a response tonight so if he says anything else, I'll post it.

Him - Aug 25, 2007 6:32 PM

reality check g! first of all YOURE NOT FINE!!! youre a 5 at best and youre getting fat and out of any type of shape you ever had. second youre a psycho that fucks wit bitches, man listen me being wit you u is not a upgrade 4 me its a total downgrade thats y my cousins did that cause they thought i was on crack fuckin wit someone that aint fine at all and too young. you aint worth a squrt of piss out a burnin dick!! and you will always be that same RUNNER that i let give me a v.d.FUCK YOU and the faggot niggaz u fuck wit!! and change that picture on youre site cause it dont help.thats what i get 4 gamblin on a total rat real talk. and 4 a billion cash i would never marry you are you sick?? dont flatter yourself g. p.s. get off da pills and get some fuckin money ya dig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me - September 1, 2007 let me get this straight. I loved you, cared for and about you, stood up for you, waited for you, NEVER cheated on you and was thinking about marrying you and because of that I'm a psycho, a downgrade, a rat and not worth a squrt of pissblahblahblah? Man, your standards are truely fucked because most men would love someone like that! I don't know what the hell I did (in YOUR mind) to "deserve" such hatred from you but I guarentee you that it's misdirected.

I never said I was fine (although I am). I said I was attractive. YOU are the one that said I was fine, sexy, attractive, etc and who am I to shut down such wonderful praise? And this body? Negro, PLEASE! Maybe you like to mess with stick thin broads but my weight is just where it's supposed to be, thank you very much. Besides, it wasn't bothering you when you couldn't keep your hands off of me the last time you saw me.

Oh, and I'M a downgrade? Dude, I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. YOU on the other hand have not made any progress since 2002. Yes, you have a daughter (if you're not lying about that) but you're also in the same place you were back then: in your mom and dad's house and/or your cousin's house, working a job that you're embarassed about and still trying to make it in the rap game. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just MAYBE you should branch out on your own and start doing for you instead of doing for everyone else, including your family? BTW, the marriage, should I send you the notes that you sent me on here cause, yeah, you said you wanted to marry me. Why would you say some stupid shit and then act like I can't go back and check?

Yeah, I'm taking anti-depressants. So? At least I'm trying to do something to better myself. What are YOU doing besides spitting that tired-ass "get money" manifesto that every other nigga out here is spitting? You're how old again? Don't you think you should leave that bullshit lifestyle to the youngin's? Get ya mind right, raise your daughter and stop trying to disrespect someone who had your back from day one (even when you did stupid shit) and who has NEVER made a move to disrespect you.

And for the last muthafuckin' time....I DID NOT GIVE YOU ANY V.D., STD OR WHATEVER! I went to the doctor after that bullshit message and guess what? I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING! You need to go scream in whatever ho's you were fucking ear and leave me the hell alone.

Bullshit Notes From Summer 2007 Pt. 1

Well, this has certainly been an...interesting summer to say the least. On the good side, I'm happy, fairly healthy, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a magnificent hunk as a boyfriend.

On the flip side. LAWD, on the flip side...yeah, things got pretty damn shitty over the last few months. First, me and the man I loved (the 20 year old ex-dealer) got into it and he talked about me worst than a flea-ridden dog! Nah, scratch that. Y'all remember the part in "The Godfather" where the goons straight fucked up Sonny at the toll booth? Yeah, he did the emotional eqivalent of that. It's a long story so I'll just say that what's done in the dark is seen in the light. I would post the shit on here but honestly, it's too damn painful.

Second, my first ex-fiancee came back. Yes, the FIRST. I may post about the second one later. Anyway, after not hearing from him since 2002, he found me on MySpace and started in with the, "Oh, baby I'm so glad that you're back in my life! Thank God for you and having another chance and if I could I would marry you right now..." blah blah blah. Now, being once bitten and twice shy, I wasn't trying to hear all that but I decided to maybe date him and see where it would go. You know, I'll just let the email I sent to a few Crunkers tell the tale.

Ok...I just told another one of my exes off today (well, again). The ex in this case is a guy named [name deleted]. Most of y'all know the story but for those who don't:

I met him when I was 16 going on 17 and he was 25 going on 26 in 2001. We dated for three months and the night after he "proposed" to me, he supposedly got arrested and after his release spent a month or so at his brother's house before he came back home. Oh, and I hadn't heard from him for two weeks before then because he claimed that he got into it with his father and cousins about me and that he took a train to TN but came back because he missed me and wasn't going to let anyone stop him from being with the woman he loves and wants to marry. Oy...

Bottom line: I didn't hear from him for 7 1/2 months (July 2002). He came back talkin' sweet but he soon turned into a jealous twit and began picking fights with me about everything. I'm talmbout from the places that I wanted to work to my hair color to me wanting to wear blue/violet/dark green contacts to switch thangs up. Things were going along kinda ok until he called me (from a number that couldn't be called back) and left a message on the voice mail (which my mother heard before I did) stating that I gave him Gonorrhea (which I got tested for and did NOT have) and that our relationship was over because the only way he could've gotten it is if I had cheated on him. That was the last I heard from him for 5 years.

Fast forward to June of this year. I got a message from him on MySpace. We talked on the phone and I got a couple of questions answered. I saw him that same day (kilt his ass with my fuck-'em dress!) and he was all huggy and shit. He was actually thanking GOD that I was going to give him a chance and that he saw me, blah blah blah. He wanted to get back together but I've been burned twice by him so I wasn't going to take that chance. I said that we could date and he said he was fine with that. However, he was already calling me "baby" and whatnot so maybe it didn't quite sink through. At the time I was still feeling for the ex-dealer (shut. UP.) so when B started acting his usual way (disappearing on my ass) I didn't really mind but once I started to think about that shit I got pissed because I was really close to falling for his shit again. The main reason I got into it with him was because I seriously don't want to be going through this shit every few years!

Anyway, here are the notes that led up to today. Enjoy!

P.S. His reason for the STD shit and the abrupt way he left things? He thought that things wouldn't work because of our age difference and he felt like he was holding me back and like he was forcing us to be and on and on and on.

[Him] - Jun 25, 2007 3:13 PM

hey sweety, still killin em. ya boy ollie alluwishus donitello. [Don't ask me what the fuck he was trying to do with that name. - RNV]

From: Me
Date: Jun 25, 2007 7:38 PM

Well, well, well....Bobby Digital himself (guess you ain't calling yourself that no more, huh?). How'd you find me? Why did you find me? I thought you hated me for what you CLAIMED I did to you 5 or 6 years ago.

Him - 12:13 AM

baby, its totally water unda da bridge. im jus glad youre still beautiful an all dat, and it could be 20 years and ill never 4get the time when i was yourz an u were mine. love
ALWAYZ [name deleted].

Me - Jun 26, 2007 2:16 PM

Just to let you know, if you do decide to call or text, feel free to do it before 9 pm if you wish. I really do hope to hear from you soon, [name deleted].
[I was trying to get some damn answers - RNV]

9:49 PM
Feel free to call me in the morning. If I don't answer, just leave a voice mail and I'll call you back.

As you can see on my page, I'm still single and have been so for almost a year now. Take that how you wanna take it. *winks*
[Hesh up!]

Him - 11:39 PM

i left my phone but ill have it 2ma, im eager to holla at you my num is [deleted] i work nights but my morn is open imma holla, im at the j.o. and yes i do.....still and will always love you. i no u might b wit someone but hey i had to put that out there no disrespect, and i fell back cause i felt that was a sign to let you grow a spread your wings. you deserve soooo much and i didnt really have anything to............well you get it.

4eva yourz,
[name deleted]

[We talked on the phone and saw each other and he was supposed to see me later that night, but his cousin got arrested.]

Jun 28, 2007 1:15 AM
my phone is dead sweety but everythings o,k, they impounded my cousins car though so thats another 2000 the fam is out of. but i cant stop thinkin about you are you ok?

[After this we communicated through text sparsely]

Me - Jul 16, 2007 8:24 PM

My cell is disconnected for the moment (and for goodness knows how long) so if you want to talk you can either hit me up here or on the house phone: [number deleted]. I was trying to text you to say that it was a good thing that I didn't hear from you because I was and still am going through something that concerns my heart and emotions. I don't want to get into it right now because I'm still hurt but, you know.

Him - Jul 17, 2007 6:01 PM

yes i know, umm dont let me fuck up anything you might feel strong about even if it means losing you. ive always been...... well lets just say lost when it comes to love so im conditioned to it, its nothing thats y i bury myself in this music.being a man in this family u have 2 deal wit alot of pain so if anything please remember.. i will always love you and a call away from anything i can do
to help,talk, console, cherish an.........

love always,
the nice guy

[This is where I got a bit frustrated]

Me - Jul 17, 2007 8:39 PM

I made a mistake. My phone isn't turned off, it just wasn't working last night.

You're not fucking up anything. He hates me now so that's that. I'm still not trying to jump into anything, though. In all honesty, it's kind of hard to picture us together because of some of the things you do. I don't want to be put on a pedestal and I don't want my faults to be ignored, but that's what you do and always have done. I can't take the adoration you give me. I can't take you being in awe of me like you do sometimes. I can't take trying to knock down your ideal image of me so you can see who I really am. It's too much work. It was fine in my younger days but I've grown away from all that.

I'm not saying that I don't want you around and I'm not saying that being a good guy is a bad thing. I just wanna be me and me is VERY flawed. Also, ever since I've known you, you've had a whole naive, I-didn't-know-any-better thing about you that I really don't like. It makes me wonder if you're being fake or trying to use it as an excuse to do things.

Like I said, I'm not trying to talk about you. I'm just getting stuff off of my chest that's been there for YEARS. I'm feeling like I won't be able to fully trust you because I'll be waiting for you to disappear again. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm a lil woozy from the Benedryl I took.

[After this he did his disappearing act yet again. I wasn't casting him off. I just wanting him to see how it is for me dealing with him most of the time. Truth be told, he acts like a fuckin' STAN. I tried to text him to see what was what but after a while I said fuck it! I had been feeling this way for a loooong time but didn't tell him until after I started my relationship with Z. Tew-tally unintentional, btw]

Aug 20, 2007 8:23 PM did it again. I gave you a chance for the third time and you mananged to mess it up. *sighs* I was really hoping that you had changed and that you would be around but I should've known better. You may have grown up as far as age but not in other places and not when it comes to me. You're still the same 26 year old that acted like a 18 year old. It's cool, though. Apparently, we're not on the same level and I doubt we'll ever be.

Just do me a favor: The next time you feel like you want to reconnect with me and you want to thank God for me...DON'T. Just stop trying to get back because it's a bunch of bullshit on your end. I have better things to do with my time AND my LIFE than to wonder if you're going to come around again and if you're going to do right.

Bobby - Aug 21, 2007 4:48 PM

listen, im out here trying to get rich period, im working 2 jobs now and doing this music i dont have time to raise a grown ass woman, i need you on your shit and if not its no problem cause i feel like i never had you anyway so i cant miss what i never had. i swear to GOD in heaven that if i had it my way we would have been married but i got a loyalty with my fam and we have problems. i never left, im just sick of hearing and dealing with other guys [For goodness sake! He's referring to the funny stories I would tell him about guys trying to get at me. Just like the shit I post here.] thats all if its just me then i promise ill drop everything and it will be just you. but im too old to be dealing with kid shit. [my name deleted] please trust me im done with bullshit and games i dont wanna spook you cause im serious im getting a house and i want you to move in with me so we could be a family.

Me - Aug 21, 2007 8:10 PM

Wait wait wait! You did NOT say "raise a grown ass woman". Have you forgotten who the hell I am? My teenaged self was telling your grown ass how to take care of yourself back when we first got together, so don't try to pull that shit on me. I've BEEN grown and you know that. And when have I NOT been on my shit? I'm helping my mother out doing everyday errands that she CAN'T do because she's disabled, I'm taking care of my brother's dog AND I'm packing and trying to move so miss me with all that, B.

You wanna talk that "I never had you" shit and then in the same breath talk about how we would be married. That makes no kind of sense! Why the hell would you want to marry someone you claim you don't miss and you claim you never had? Why the fuck are you thanking GOD for me if you never had me? [Yeah...sorry bout using the f-word and God in the same sentence, y'all!]

The other guys? OMG! You ARE still the same [his name deleted]! I can't joke with you about guys trying to get at me because you still get jealous over every little comment and every little stare. Dude, don't try to be in a relationship with a pretty woman with a nice body and personality if you can't handle it! I'm that woman, and I'm probably always going to be that woman so if you can't deal then you have no business trying to be with me let alone marry me.

And you know what? It was you. It was you for a long ass time and I told you that. It was you when it shouldn't have been you. It was YOU when your punk ass deserted me for 7 1/2 months the day after you "proposed" to me and it was YOU even after you left that bullshit ass message on my phone where everyone could hear and it was YOU in the back of my mind and heart for YEARS!

I told you that I had some feelings that I was trying to deal with but that I would if you gave me time. You're always asking me for time to get your shit straight, but you couldn't give it to me. You NEVER could! I think that's called hypocrisy. You might wanna check that before you step to someone else.

Oh, and trust me, you could NEVER be as tired of the kid games as I am. You're still pulling the same shit you did years ago and it exhausts me. I'm not the 16/17 year old you were messing with. I'm damn near 23 years old and you're still pulling the same shit like it'll work. That's not very smart. Honestly, YOU exhaust me. I just don't have the strength to deal with your shit anymore.

Your loyalty to your fam has nothing to do with this. Then again, maybe it does. You claim you were going to leave me because you got pissed at what your father said about me. [His father called him a Chester even though I was legal at the time] You're living with the same cousins that whooped your ass because you were with me. [He claims his father got them to do that for the same reason. They ain't say that shit when one of them walked in on dude giving me a backshot.] What would be next? It's always something with you! Now, do you wonder why I didn't go back with you right away? I knew you were going to fuck up. If that sounds harsh, then, hey but it has to be said.

Maybe you can take the time to REALLY get yourself together and find the one for you. It's not me.'s way too little, too late. I'm in a relationship now with someone I care very much for.

Take care of yourself, [his name deleted].