Thursday, June 07, 2007

Reh Dooooogg....Flowin' Through My Miiiiiiiind...

The more I watch, the more I do......the Reh Dogg-scrub-my-booty-in-the-shower-while-contemplating-life-dance! Ladies and gentlemen, queens and kings and everyone in between....I present to you: REH DOGG!!

Online Friendships Hurt (Why yes, Reh....yes, they do)

Blacken Chinese Man ( read that right)

Rome the Dark Street (Reh gettin' GANGSTA!! Hartford, nigga! WHAT?!?)

Desperate Times (Need Asian Women)

Keep Fuckin' Around (CT in this bitch!!)

Exploding Anger

It's a Known Fact (Reh in 1997)

Reh in 1994

Reh Dogg Diss O.M.G.

You Say I'm Ugly

You Say I'm Ugly Reeeeeeeeemiiiiiiiiiiiix!

Wash Yu Underwear

And now....the one that started it all:


*ala Barney from "The Simpsons"* Don't cry for me. I'm already *DEAD*.

Reina Negra V

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Sunday Afternoon Randomness

Why the hell do little kids love to hear themselves scream? I was leaving my house one day last week and my older cousin, her son, and two neighborhood kids were on the stoop. The girls started singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" very softly and then...

Girls: Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!

Me: *head go 'splody*

I have my mother's last name which is Jewish but even if I had taken my father's last name it would still have been Jewish.

If my celebrity crushes were animals, I would have a turtle, two camels and a buff-ass bunny (I REFUSE to refer to him as a gorilla! We got enough bogus white people doing that already).

I'm addicted to feeling like a normal woman.

I would SO shave my head like Miss Tanzania but I have no idea how my head is shaped and whether it would look ok.

I really miss having purple hair.

They say if wishes and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Why just a Merry Christmas? Not Valentine's Day? Easter? Flag Day? I thought candy and nuts could be enjoyed at any time!

Since Moo & Oink's mascots are a cow and a pig does that promote animal cannabalism? How do they feel about selling out their species to humans?

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Amusement Park, Indeed

Curtis James Jackson III is so damn fine and sexy to me! Yes, I'm actually talking about his face, too! He's my lil' gangsta bunny. *smiles* And yes, he could get it.

All day

Every day



Any damn position

In broad daylight

Bathed in candlelight

In a fitted

In a doo-rag

Even with a vest on

So, yes with him I would surely play
In his amusement park every night and day!

Reina Negra V

Chicagoland's Finest Men

Looking for a starter wife - 27

Reply to:
Date: 2007-06-01, 11:35PM CDT

Title says it all...

We can get a McMansion and have a kid or two. In 8 years, when you are starting to show your age and not able to drop the pregnancy weight, I will run off with my secretary. She will be dumb as a lamppost but will have a great rack. In the meantime, you can drive a mini-SUV (I'm thinking Acura, BMW if you can cook)and sit on your ass all day while calling yourself a "stay-at-home" mom.

Visitation rights must be guaranteed, pre-nup required (it won't make you rich, but will ensure that you can continue to sit on your ass all day).

Location: NW Burbs
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343152020

im seeking a stage five clinger - 22

Reply to:
Date: 2007-06-01, 11:18PM CDT

as the title states, i'm looking for a clinger, one of those women that always wants to be around you, calls you 30 times a day, very affectionate, crazy about you, whatever, to all those women out there who have been called a clinger in a bad way, i think it's great, all I ask is that you don't smoke, do drugs, no tattoos, are disease free, aren't a bbw, and are considered attractive by more than your mother and father. (please include a picture) Thank you.

Location: Oakbrook
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343145253

Seeking the Asian mindset - 50

Reply to:
Date: 2007-06-01, 10:17PM CDT

I'm a slim, handsome, healthy SWM in my 50s. I've a grey hair or two, but look to be about 42.

I have an education, a solid career and a lifelong appreciation of the arts.

I'm looking for a woman, late 30s or older, displaying the common sensible approach to selecting their significant other which I've often observed and admired amongst Asians (both men and women). [WTH?!? -- RNV]

Seeking a partner based on kindness and character, along with physical appearance, makes a world of sense to me.

I'm astounded by ads I've read of women seeking men based on their looking like "rockers", having tattoos,liking certain bars or bands or having a penchant for sarcasm.

I'll be happy to answer questions, send my picture and generally present my persona.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343117249

Mutually beneficial relationship desired

Reply to:
Date: 2007-06-01, 8:14PM CDT

Looking for a female use some cash; and wouldn't mind the company of a nice person. I am an easy going guy, attractive and fun looking to pay cash for a regular massage. No hidden agenda here. I could use the company of a non professional female who could use some financial assistance. I would like to do this on a regular basis.

If you are a student, or part time person this would probably work well for you. Hopefully, I don't get flagged.

If you send me a one-liner - stating send me a picture; or how much. Your email will be deleted. I am looking for an intelligent, decent person; not someone who is just curious, wants to me mean, or is just wasting people's time.

Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343053823

college student looking - 20

Reply to:
Date: 2007-06-01, 8:02PM CDT

i am a college student looking for a woman to possibly take care of me...or find some sort of work for me to where i can get paid...i have plenty of pics upon request

Location: downtown
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343047149

Reply to:
Date: 2007-06-01, 4:51PM CDT

I am a very tall handsome white professional male who seeks a special relationship with a very special female who desires to be treated like a little girl by a fatherly type figure. Frequently I am nothing more then a listener or interviewer while you relive your past or speak a private fantasy.

I don't smoke, I am a light drinker and I don't use drugs. I love to talk, laugh and enjoy the friendship and the special affection two people can provide one another. I don’t find pleasure in pain but I am not above giving a good spanking if my “daughter” needs one.

All shapes, sizes, ages and races are welcome to reply. If you need a “Daddy” type to take care of your special needs then let's talk, exchange photos and get to know each other.

It is your choice: phone, email or IM... see how easy I am :)

Location: Chicago Area
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 342933107

Friday, June 01, 2007

This Type of Shit Happens Everyday

Let me kick this off by saying that I am a beautiful woman. No, not in that "every woman is beautiful in her own way" way, but actually beautiful. No, I'm not posting a pic on here so you'll just have to take my word for it! *sticks out tongue* Description: 5'4, 140 pounds, caramel skin, brown almond-shaped eyes, short dark brown hair and an old-school Coke bottle figure. Nice, right? Yeah, I know. *winks*

Anyway, I've never really had a shortage of guys approaching me but lately I seem to be attracting a new breed: the old man at the club/pimp/wannabe pimp/use to be pimp/man seeking to relive his glory days/trying to get a glory day in the first damn place.

Last week I walked into a lil cooked food joint on Commercial Ave., placed my order, and sat down. A few minutes later, in walks an old guy in his 60's or 70's, gray hair and all. He sits opposite of me, which for some reason highly annoyed me. Maybe I knew what was coming.

Me: *texting on my cell phone*

Him: What? You calling me on my phone?

Me: *thinking* Here we fuckin' go A-DAMN-GAIN!

*speaking with a weak smile, trying to be polite* What?

Him: I see you messing with your phone and I was asking you if you were calling me. *smiles*

Me: *with that same damn smile*: Oh! Heh. No.

*notices that he has on cheap ass snow boots in 70 degree weather*

*tries to contain laughter*

Him: So....what? Are you playing a game on your phone?

Me: No. I'm texting someone. (Coco, Ninja, Blk Grl, La Negra Linda....this is the moment that I texted y'all)

Him: Texting? Woooooow! My phone can't do all that!

Me: *thinking* You are NOT going to try and mack to me by letting me know just how technolgically behind you are.
*sighs internally. DEEPLY.*
*speaking* Well, some people just need their phone just for calls.


Him: I--

Me: *sees the person waving me over for my food*

*thinking* Oh, thank GOD!!

*damn near runs to the counter*

*grabs food and leaves*

Dude might have been harmless but there was no way that he was getting my number or anything else from me! He was giving off a child molester vibe for some reason. Maybe it was because I'm so much younger than him and the phone thing.

What he said: What are you doing? Texting? Wooooow! My phone can't do all thaaaaaaaaat!

What I heard: My phone can't do that but if you show me how to use it I'll give you all the candy you waaaaant! Heh heh heh. *winks*

Maybe it's just me.

Yesterday I went to McDonald's to pick up something and almost as soon as I walked in I notice this tall and fat guy. I'm not talking about the kind of fat that some people wear well and they look really good. Oh, no. My boy Kevin is that type. Dude was NOT. I mean, his belly was so big, it looked distended! Dude looked about 8 months pregnant with TWINS! At least his tittays weren't bigger than mine. I think. *shudders* I think he was probably in his late 30's to 40's. His was not a good look AT ALL!

Him: Girl, what, you tryna--tr-try-tryna be a model?

Me: *thinking* ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!! W.T.F?!?

*speaking*(highly annoyed but polite): No.

Him: 'Cause you sure are looking (?) today!

Me: Heh.

McD's employee: Can I help you?

Me: *gives the order*

Him: (something indecipherable)

Him AND McD's employee: *speaks at the same time*

Me (to the employee): I'm sorry. How much was that again?

Him: You tryna brang (?), huh?

Employee: *quotes price*

*He leaves*

Me (relieved): Thank you.

I mean, damn! I know I was lookin' gooder than cooked food and all (high and mighty fro, turquois clingy shirt, with TASTEFUL sequins SPARSELY USED, tight blue jeans, big earrings, and white gym shoes), but go away! Like I told my boy Coco, maybe I reminded him of an ex or a former lover or something. He damn sure looked old enough to have been a teenager/young adult in the 70's. Maybe he has a Pam Grier fetish. Yo no se y no me importa (I don't know and it's not important to me).

I have one more story. The guy I'm about to mention isn't old, per se but he was at least in his 30's. People may say that black don't crack, but from the looks of these guys, it damn sure can chip, peel, tarnish, and get weater-beaten! Ok, so I went to CVS Pharmacy to pick up some pop (you know....soda?) and I was on my way to the counter when some peon (heh.) tried to get at me. He actually kinda looked like Akon. Ewl.

Him: What's up beautiful?

Me (listlessly): Hey.

Him: Can I talk to you and get to know you?

Me: *not even looking back*: I have a boyfriend. (La mierda del toro! I'm as single as they come!)

Him: You might, but I can be your MAN!

Me: *mutters* Oy!

Him (from two aisles down): Can I tell you a story?!?

Me: No!

Him: Can I tell you a story?!?

Me (rapidly): IsaidNO!!

*walks to the checkout*

Him (about 2 fucking feet away): You are very beautiful.

Me: *not looking up* Thank you--

*sees who it is*
*pays for my stuff*
*tries to duck and dodge his ass like I'm in a damn war so he won't know where I'm going*

And y'all wonder why my ass isn't all up and down my neighborhood? I don't feel like hearing that shit! Even if I have my headphones on people still try to get at me. I never get approached by the clean, sexy, attractive, intelligent, non gangbanging, funny males or females. Oh, no....I get all the other ones! The ones that look like they should be on "Maury" disputing a paternity claim. The ones that have dirt under their nails although they got off of work 4 hours prior to seeing me. The ones that say that they're a gang member but not a gangbanger. I know....fuckery, right? Yep.

Seeing as how the summer's about to start (although it feels like it is here anyway. Gotta love the Chi!), I'm guessing I should expect this kind of foolishness every time I go out, no matter what I'm wearing. UGH! I should be flattered, I guess, but to be honest it's really annoying most of the time because there hasn't been a person yet that I was able to say "yes" to.

Ah well. I bet that this is going to end up being a weekly post. PLEASE pull out your Pas-tah Kerney pwah-rayer cloths and pray that I will be blogging during the summer and not in jail for beating someone's ass or cussing them out!

You can look but not touch. Scratch that! As a matter of fact, you can't even look.

Reina Negra V