C+D Video Anthology - Queens Takin' OVA!

Yeah yeah yeah, I know I haven't started the C+D glossary yet, but I have a few terms that I'm working on. Patience, people! For now, I've decided to post C+D's favorite videos, some of which serve as the "expiration" for our wonderful terms. Enjoy!

Pit Bull


What What (In the Butt)


Samwell Interview


Put Cha Freakum Dress On!


Hip Hop Abs (Come on out of the closet, baby)

Yes Yes, Y'all!

Coming Soon: The C+D Glossary (Everything You Wanted to Know About C+D But Was Too Lazy or Stannish To Ask)!

What Would You Do-oo-oo For Larry the Cable Guy Tickets?

This is a video of one of those radio broadcasts where people have to do stupid shit to get equally stupid shit. The stupid shit in question this time are backstage passes to the Larry the Cable Guy show. Yep, Mr. Git Er DONE! himself. The two women in the clip are (supposedly) mother and daughter. I'm not going to explain what they have to do for the tickets. Just watch. Might be NSFW...possibly.


The fun begins at 7:44



Yeah, yeah, yeah....I hate you, too!

Reina Negra V

Dancin' Fools

Grannies Gettin' It!



*Fun starts at 45 seconds








Random Dancin'

The Carlton



Jump On It! Jump On It!


Do The Urkel!!

To All The Females Using Their Babies For Negative Purposes

"Babies and sex were once more commonly used for income than they are now; women continue to receive money from welfare for having babies, and men sometimes act as prostitues to pry the money from them."

"Casual sex with as many women as possible, impregnating one or more, and getting them to have his baby brings a boy the ultimate in esteem from his peers and makes him a man. Casual sex is therefore fraught with social significance for the boy who has little or no hope of achieving financial stability and hence cannot see himself taking care of a family."

"The girl has her dream of a family and a home, of a good man who will provide for her and her children. The boy, knowing he cannot be that family man, because he has few job prospects, yet needing to have sex to achieve manhood in the eyes of his peer group, pretends to be the decent and good man and so persuades the girl to give him sex and perhaps a baby. He may then abandon her, and she realizes he was not the good man, after all, but rather a nothin' out to exploit her."

- Elijah Anderson, Code of the Street

Ladies, PLEASE remember this the next time you want to sleep with some dude up the block!

And yes, Kim Porter, that means you, too. Especially the quote below.

"A baby could in cold economic terms be considered an asset, which is without a doubt an important factor behind explotative sex and out-of-wedlock babies...."

WWW (The Wide World of Wikis)

Like many on the internet, I'm a HUGE fan of Wikipedia! It's just so addictive! I mean, I could look up something on....let's say...Lupe Fiasco and end up reading about Chinese cuisine and forgetting how I got to that point in the first place. Plus, it's always nice to be full of random, usless information.

Every now and then, I come across another interesting wiki or two so now I present to you my favorite (and soon to be favorite) wikis!

Wikocracy - Where ordinary, everday people can make changes to the laws that affect their lives. No, the laws don't actually hold any weight, but maybe it will get people to talking and some changes will be made.

The TV IV - Everything you wanted to know about your favorite television programs from characters to plot lines and everythang inbetween.

Uncyclopedia - Have you ever wanted to list the many reasons why Paris Hilton is a slut or who Evan Ross' real daddy is but couldn't because the stuffy folks at Wikipedia would take it down? Fear not, free thinkers, cause you can do all that and more at Uncyclopedia!

MemoryArchive - The events that shape our lives as individuals, as a country, and as citizens of the world as seen through the eyes of those who have been there. Very touching and powerful stuff!

wikiHow - How to do everything from ripping a phonebook in half to surviving an encounter with a croc or an alligator.

Muppet Wiki - Any and everything related to the late, great Jim Henson and his Muppets.

Wikiversity - A way to teach yourself all the things you should be taught. Very interesting.

Conservapedia - Ever wanted to know what Conservatives think about life and everything that goes on throughout it? Check Conservapedia out. *reads the section on Bisexuality, scoffs* Yeah, this should be REAL interesting! *rolls eyes*

*wipes forehead, stretches out fangas* Whoo! And that's not all of them! There's a Super Mario wiki out there but I can't remember the URL. Hope y'all enjoy!

Poor Kermie

*sighs* I knew that pank bitch Piggy was no good for you! That ho probably sitting up with Fozzie somewhere sanging "You Know I'm No Good" while getting nose-fucked by Gonzo! No, not this Gonzo, but this one.

For your viewing pleasure

Fresh has been mad stupid with the videos today on C+D so I'm finna be nice and share the wealth!

I Thro' My Munny On Da Flo'!



Ms. Miracle Jackson (The epitome of the term "Fuck Effort")



That girl was gettin' it, wasn't she? I ain't seen dancin' that good since that peg-legged bitch on "Dancing With The Stars" did a back flip in black and gold Nike's!


My Pussy Is Magic



I have no idea where this chick came from but I love her ass!



Going to light a candle in reverance of my magical pussy,

Reina Negra V

A lil help for my East Coast twin

Coco, this is for you. It's a nice little routine you can try out the next time you meet up with DRS!

She finally did a video right

Ok, y'all know I'm not a big fan of Beyonce' the person and sometimes not even of her music, but sometimes she gets it right. I present to you...

Flaws and All




I fuckin' LOVE this song AND the video! Maybe it's the fact that she looks pretty damn natural in this video or maybe it's the fact that it's a song about not being perfect. Whatever it is, I LOVE it!

I also love

Woman Like Me



This song pretty much describes me to a T. It's also one of my most used ringtones. Hey, never let it be said that I cannot separate the person from the music. Well, unless you're a pissy (literally) ass-punk by the name of R. Kelly or a pedophile named Michael Jackson. Oh, y'all gets NO iPod privilages! Furtherfuckingmore, y'all need to read the AARON cause there are just some thangs y'all ain't supposed to do!


Y'all read me when I blog/Accept the post, flaws and all/And that's why I looooove y'aaalll,

Reina Negra V

The origin of my AIM screen name

Damn, I know it's been a min since I've updated but it seems like every single time I get a good topic lodged in my head it flies away before I can get it down. Well, that and the fact that my damn monitor went ker-plunk on me two weeks ago for almost a week and I had to come out of pocket to get a new one! *sigh* But anyway....

My AIM screen name is mixednotmixedup. A couple of people have asked me why I picked that name so....I decided to explain the reason right here.

To begin, let me lay out my racial makeup. I'm mostly Black (Af-Am, whatever you want to call it), but I am also part German, part Native American (Blackfoot, I'm told), and part Jewish. I guess because of this mixture I look like I am a Latina (Puerto Rican is what I hear the most). I'm not offended by that at all, but I've had people out-and-out TELL ME that I'm a Latina and that I'm just portraying myself to be black and that I need to stop being so fake. What the fuck?!? Like I'm really about to go to an all-black school in the middle of the fuckin' hood and pretend to be a race that I'm not. Fuckouttahere!

It also gets to me a bit when I see people trying to say that because a Black person is not "obviously black" that they have a better time in life. First of all, what is "obviously black"? There are tribes in Africa that dye their hair with red clay - are you going to tell them that they're not Black because their hair is red? Am I any less black because I choose to dye my hair a color other than black or brown on the regular?

The Black race has a multitude of skin tones ranging from the lightest white to the darkest black with AND without being mixed with any other race. Are you telling me that because I fall on the lighter side of the spectrum that I'm less Black than the next woman?

What about my hair? It's curly and wavy so I couldn't possibly be black, right? What the hell is "obviously black"? If someone said that it meant someone who is dark-skinned with kinky hair, big lips and a wide nose then some of you would probably say that that's very sterotypical. Well, if it's not that, then what is it?

Ok, so I don't look "obviously black" to most people. I've never felt like I was betraying my race by some of the things that I would and still do but some people around felt like I was. Why? For one, I don't really listen to a lot of the shit that urban radio plays. Honestly, I think a lot of it is fluff and bullshit. What do I listen to? Anything I damn well please, no matter what genre it is. Almost no genre is taboo to me and almost all genres are sacred. Whatever moves/touches/heals me, that's what I listen to.

Another reason is my hair. There are those who would've said that I was trying to assmilate myself into (with?) white culture by relaxing my hair and there are those would say that I am trying to do that now because I put a damn Miniglide to my hair. What these people don't understand is that no matter how beautiful natural hair is, sometimes you really don't feel like dealing with it. For me, it was a matter of managibility. Hell, sometimes it still is! Oh, and I also dye my hair on the regular. I was born a brunette but I have been a blonde (honey to platinum), a redhead (really dark red to blood) and I've dyed my hair purple. Shit, I would dye it blue if I wasn't about to look for a job!

And y'all might be interested to know that I would like to have eye contacts in different colors, including blue, green, and violet. Does all that mean that I'm trying to mold myself into the White idea of beauty? Does it mean that I'm trying to fit in with the Punks or Goths? Does it mean that I hate myself so fucking much that I'm willing to put things in my eyes and chemically "fuck up" my hair? Hell no! It just means that I like expressing myself through different ways. I like different things. When did THAT become the ultimate crime against Blackness?

*sigh* I actually didn't mean to go off on a rant, but this shit has been going on for YEARS. Everything from "I can see the tracks in your hair" to "You're being favored just because you're mom looks/is white" (she's biracial, just really light) to "You think you're all that because you're light-skinned" to getting strange looks because of what I listen to to feeling ashamed because I want to tell that certain someone how I feel through a song but I can't because it's not Rap or R&B (or Crunk&B or Snap&B). I haven't been through it all, but I've been through enough.

Oh, right. The origin of my name. I chose mixednotmixedup because my racial makeup is not in ANY way indicative of my mind state or my personality.

I know exactly who the fuck I am. Do YOU know who YOU are?

Reina Negra V

GAAAAAAAAWD is good, y'all!

Now, as y'all know, I live in Chicago but what you may not know that I don't have cable. If I don't have cable, then that means that I can't watch everyone's favorite pastor Pastor Kerney, right? Wrong! Thanks to the good folks at WJYS TV, I can get a nightly dose of Kerney! Since something really good happened a few minutes ago and I'm feeling generous, I'll share some of the wealth with y'all! Please, no need to thank me. The expressions of joy on your faces is enough for me. *smiles sweetly*



WHOOOOOOOOO!! Did y'all feel that? The goodness of this man just seeps out of this video. Favorite line: "I'm still in pain, Pasta (pronounced paaaaas-ta) Kerney!". I seriously want to thank Fresh for introducing me to this foolishness! Now I can't stop watching the man!

Before everyone gets their knickers in a twist, I'm not saying that God can't heal people and that he doesn't send people to do his work but dude just seems mad wrong to me. Plus, I really don't think our Father would place our salvation in the hands of a man that sounds like he has religious Tourette's Syndrome!

On that note, I'm off to bed to dream about the one I luh....Lupe! lol

Still ain't getting a Personal Pwah-rayer Package,
La Reina Negra V


P.S. Just because I love all y'all, another clip. Don't say I never gave y'all nothing! Cause y'all would be lying and it's not right to lie during a Pastor Kerney post. *adjusts halo and wings*

Sunny Day Boredom

As the tittle says I am sooooo bored right now, so I've decided to make a few lists.



Songs That More Than Likely Will Not Be Removed From My Nano

Addicted - Kelly Clarkson
Another One Bites The Dust - Queen
At Night I Pray - Wild Orchid
Breathless - Corrine Bailey Rae
Destiny - Zero 7
Distractions - Zero 7
Been Gone - Keshia Chante
Boondocks Opening Theme - Asheru
Buttons - Pussycat Dolls
Canned Heat - Jamiroquai
Can't Let Go - Amerie
Crazy In Love - Beyonce/Jay-Z
Daydreamin' - Lupe Fiasco/Jill Scott
Don't Speak - No Doubt
The Emperor's Soundtrack - Lupe Fiasco
Everytime We Touch - Cascada (Yanou's Candlelight Mix aka the slow version)
Fallen - Mya
Fallen (remix) - Mya/Fatlip and Tre
Final Goodbye - Rihanna
Finale B - Rent Soundtrack
Natalie Portman's gangsta rap from SNL
Glory Box - Portishead
Goodbye Love - Rent Soundtrack
Green Light - Beyonce
Hair - Hair Soundtrack
Hey Lover - LL Cool J/Boyz II Men
I'm Gonna Be - Donnell Jones
I Know - Omarion
In The Waiting Line - Zero 7
Lick - Joi
Like A Boy - Ciara
Lonely No More - Rob Thomas
Move (You're Stepping On My Heart) - Dreamgirls Soundtrack (1982)
Never Gonna Let You Go - Sergio Mendes
Never Let Me Down - Kanye West/Jay-Z/J. Ivy
One Night Only (both versions - Disco and Soul)- Dreamgirls Soundtrack (1982 AND 2006)
The Pageant of the Bizzare - Zero 7
Pass You By - Boyz II Men
Pleasure and Pain - 112
Poppin' Tags - Jay-Z/Twista/Killer Mike/Big Boi
The Prelude - Jay-Z
Promise - Ciara
Rock The Casbah - The Clash
The Secret Marriage - Sting
Shape of Things to Come - Max Frost & The Troopers
Shiver - Maroon 5
So Excited - Janet Jackson/Khia/Jermaine Dupri (to a far lesser extent)
Something I Cannot Have - Catero
Sunshine - JoJo
Sunshine - Lupe Fiasco
Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5
Swinging the Alphabet (aka B A Bay, B E Bee...) - Three Stooges (It's too hard to find)
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
Take It From Here - Justin Timberlake
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Tangled - Maroon 5
Te Lo Agradezco, Pero No - Alejandro Sanz/Shakira
Things Just Ain't the Same - Deborah Cox
Touch It (Mega Remix) - Lloyd Banks/DMX/Mary J. Blige/Ne-Yo/Papoose/Rah Digga/Missy Elliot/Busta Rhymes
Understand - Christina Aguilera
Virtual Insanity - Jamiroquai
Walk Away - Christina Aguilera
We Could Be - Keyshia Cole
We Will Rock You - Queen
What Goes Around.../Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts
What What (In The Butt) - Samwell
What You Waiting For? - Gwen Stefani
What You Won't Do For Love - Bobby Caldwell
When I Get You Alone - Robin Thicke
White & Nerdy - Weird Al Yankovic
Why Don't We Fall In Love - Amerie
With You I'm Born Again - John Legend/Mariah (I'm fully aware this isn't the original)
Woman Like Me - Beyonce
You (Moments In Love sample) - Raheem DeVaughn
You (Piano driven) - Raheem DeVaughn
You Got It All (Over Him) - The Jets
You Put A Move On My Heart - Tamia



What I Wanted To Be When I Was Younger

Model
Fashion Designer
Singer
Dancer
Actress
Baker
Chef
A Latina (I shit you not!)



Crushes Over The Years

A guy named Maine (8 years old)
Random light-skinned boy (8 years old)
Boy named Emmanual (8 years old - first boy to call me a bitch)
Mr. Lowe (4th grade)
Damon Beard (4th grade)
Joesph Pierce (5th grade, but actually never went away even through high school)
Brandon Temple (6th grade)
James Roland (6th grade)
Tupac Shakur (When didn't I have a crush on him?)
Marques Houston bka Batman from Immature (ages 11-14)
Wilfredo Lopez (6th through 8th grade)
Harold Anderson (7th grade)
Alexis (Alex) Lopez (yes, Wilfredo's little brother - 7th and 8th grade)
Guy named Victor (High School)
Dude with light eyes that lives around here but can't remember his name (High School and now)
Chris Grey (Fucked someone over for him and got it back - High School)
Ricky Whateverthehellhislastnameis (High School)
One of the dark-skinned twins who played football at CVCA (High School)
Tall, light skinned guy named Michael (High School)
Tall, thick stud (High School)
Curtis James Jackson III bka 50 Cent (2005-2006, but I'd still smash!)
Chingy (2003 maybe)
Kelton Keese bka LDB from Immature (2005 - Present)
Alexandria Can'trememberherlastname (2005-2006)
Burke Can'tspellhislastnameforshit (2005-2006)
Benjamin Can'trememberhislastname (2006)
Kristopher Jett (briefly in 2006)
Brittanie Ari (Spring of 2006)
Random fine ass stud roaming the HWC hallways (2006)
Christopher Joe (before we started dating - Fall 2006)
Eric W. White (Late 2006 - Present. *sings* Hey lover, this is more than a crush.....)
Anthony Thebrotherofanoldfriend (early 2007)
Wasalu Muhammed Jaco bka Lupe Fiasco (2006 - Present)
Shawn Corey Carter bka Jay-Z (2006 - Present Gotta love that camel swagger!)

Just wanted to add: Peter Jennings (may God rest his soul), Ron Corning (former World News Now anchor), Mark Suppelsa (Fox Chicago News), Tamron Hall (Fox Chicago News), and Anderson Cooper


Favorite Food & Drink

Orange Chicken from Grand Chinese Kitchen
Chop Suey (Chicken, Shrimp or Vegetable, extra pea pods, bean sprouts and bok choy)
Anything hot (in taste, not temp)
Pickles (but not Claussen)
Harold's Chicken with fries, cole slaw, and mild sauce
Damn near anything with mild sauce
Popeye's Chicken
KFC Honey Barbeque Wings
McDonald's Big Mac
Onion Rings
Fried Calamari
Fried Shrimp
Leon's Hot Links with mild and hot sauce, fries, and extra bread
Potbelly's sandwiches
Taurus Flavors' Turkey on White with lettuce, tomatoes, and american cheese
Special Fries (fries topped with lettuce, tomatoes, jalapenos, nacho cheese, mild sauce, and ground steak
Italian Beef, light dipped, hot & sweet
Gomez's beef tacos in soft corn shell
The Cheesecake Factory's Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake (almost made me cum lol)
Edy's AND Ben & Jerry's Double Fudge Brownie Ice Cream
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
Nestle's Chocolate Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream Sandwich
Snickers Ice Cream Bar
Dreamsticks
Firecracker popsicles
Sno-Cone syrup
Fudge bars
Brownies
Anything chocolate, including fudge, ganache and truffles
Chili (Homemade and Potbelly's)
Heaven on Seventh's Gumbo
Joe's Be-Bop Cafe's Crawfish Etouffee (My granddaddy's and uncle's joint along with the Jazz Showcase in Chicago)
Mom's Banana Pudding
Anything my oldest brother cooks (No, seriously)






Fangas are cramping up so I'll add more lists later.

Why I Don't Like Beyonce

Being that she released B-Day and was in "Dreamgirls" in 2006 it was pretty damn hard not to notice Bey-Bey. She was/is everywhere! I will say that I love her music but a lot of shit with her and her family doesn't sit well with me. Before any of the stans start, yes, I'm a hater but I really do love Beyonce because I wouldn't be taking time out of my night to write about her if I didn't absolutely adore her. *rolls eyes*

The Destiny's Child (or Beyonce and those 2 or 3 other heffas) Switch-a-roo
I used to luff the hell out of Destiny's Child. I had both of their CDs and wore them bitches out so hard that they would skip every time I tried to play them. I also loved the fact that 4 beautiful, young Black women could grab the nation's stage and look cute by doing it. My favorites were LeToya and LaTavia (especially LaTavia with her thick ass) because they were the prettiest and LaT was rockin' that red hair to the fullest. I cannot tell y'all how crushed I was when I was watching the Box (a now-defunct video request station for y'all youngins) and I saw two new girls in the video for "Say My Name". This is where I started to lose respect for DC. Not only did they replace the other girls, the new DC would perform "SMN" with LeToya's and LaTavia's vocals still in the background. They never bothered to record a new version with the new members. WTF? To me that was so fucking disrespectful, I feel, an insult to the fan who would be able to tell the difference. Then the fact that LeT and LaT didn't even know they were replaced until they saw the video just boiled my blood further.

Ok, so now they have two new females: Michelle and Farrah. Even though I was pissed at the shit, I still tuned in for DC performances and listen to their albums. Then what happens? They kick Farrah out (another one of my favs). ARGH It also gets on my nerves when award shows give DC3 an award for selling so many albums but fail to acknowledge the other two original members. I mean, damn, I know that we are living out parts of "1984" but muthafuckas are trying to rewrite their history and shit. A damn shame.


Beyonce's Passive-Agressiveness
Is it me or is she turning into the queen of subliminals. First, there were the jabs at the original DC members:

B
Now that you're out of my life I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you but I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without you but I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without you I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without you now I'm wiser
Thought that I'd be helpless without you but I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without you but I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without you
Sold 9 million

Kelly
I'm wishin' you the best
Pray that you are blessed
Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon blast you on the radio(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon lie on you and your family(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon hate on you in the magazines('m better than that)
I'm not gon compromise my Christianity(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gon diss you on the Internet
Cause my mama taught me better than that

Michelle
After of all of the darkness and sadness soon comes happiness
If I surround my self with positive things I'll gain prosperity

Iight, here's my thing. I can see why Beyonce and Kelly would sing those lyrics, but what the hell is Michelle doing joining in? Heffa, that wasn't your beef. I know you don't want to bite the hand that feeds you and all, but damn. Oh. Right. Beyonce. The problem in this case is that she repeatedly said how the song was for no one in particular especially not for the former DCers. That's all fine, well and good, but B and Kelly...who the FUCK else would y'all be beefin' with over record sales and dissing in magazines? The average everywoman female is not going to identify with all that shit.

Then there's the comments about Jennifer Hudson and her supposedly wanting to play Effie: "I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie.". Bitch, boo. Something about that statement just smacks subliminal for me. Also, she's a damn lie because if she wanted to play Effie then the bitch wouldn't have shown up at the audition in character as DEENA.


Lyrics That Make No Damn Sense
I understand that sometimes lyrics aren't really that important to a song. Maybe the song is a party joint and no one's going to pay attention to it while dancing. Maybe it's a sex song and when you're going there who is actually trying to listen to the lyrics (see "The Greatest Sex" by The Lone Pisser a.k.a R. Kelly)? Beyonce, though takes it to a whole. nubba. levah! (hee!) Sista Toldja at http://thebeautifulstruggler.blogspot.com/ said it probably better than I can but I'm going to touch on some of the songs that she didn't.

(From my MySpace blog) Deja Vu
...it's feels kinda weird to be singing along to a song where the singer swears she's having Deja Vu.....but she's not. Deja Vu is the "experience of feeling that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously." (that was via Wikipedia.com). What was described in the song? The act of hallucinating....or she's just plain batshit crazy. (lol) I was on a message board (It was either C+D or TWoP) and someone said that it was this decade's "Ironic". I agree with that in the sense of some of the things in "Ironic" weren't really ironic, just like hallucinating doesn't equal deja vu, but.....some of the things in "Ironic" were ironic enough for it to add a lil bit of validity to the song. With "Deja Vu".....there is none.

Kitty Cat
It hurts and feels disearning
Ok....so it hurts and it feels like it's perceptive and exhibiting good judgement? Whatever you say, B.

Suga Mama
And I've always been the type to take care of mine
I know just what I'm doing
Don't you worry it's cool and everything is steady
Puttin' you on my taxes already, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I promise I won't let no bills get behind
Cause every touch, every kiss and hug
You 'bes believe it'll be on time
*claps* Bravo, B! Thanks to this and "Upgrade U" we will now have even more stupid-ass females plunking down money for men in order to keep them as well as showing men that if you can't Audemars Piguet them then you're not worthy. Oh, and thanks for sending the message to young females that you ain't loving your man right unless you buy him a lot of shit/pay his bills.

Other life gems from Beyonce:
When your man isn't treating you right you either call someone so you can cheat or you put on the sluttiest dress you can find so you can make your man jealous and have other men slobbering like twits
Never fail to remind your man how wack his sex is all while complaining that he's not home
Even though you hate your man you should keep him because the dude got bank and ain't no other bitch supposed to be spending that but you
If your man ain't acting right you can get another him in a minute even though you're currently dumping his ass for whatever he did in the first place
If your man is putting you through bullshit you should get a trophy cause you skrong
It's perfectly ok for your man to talk about bagging you while you talk about actually loving him

It's late. Early. Whatever, so I'm going to bed. I'll write more later.

Ring the Alarm cause my Kitty Kat is Irreplacable,
Reina Negra V

Back for the first time

WOW! It's been a really long time since I've done this. Let's see if I remember how to do so. ;-)

One things that's been on my mind lately is sex. The lack of, want of, and the frustration of it all. Why is it that when you're not having sex it seems to be the one thing that people cannot stop talking about? Case (s) in point: This past month I have had two guys tell me that they hadn't been keeping in touch with me because 1) They were busy and 2) They were horny. The fuck? Keeping in mind that these are two grown ass men (29 and 21-22 respectively) and they're telling me that they can't talk to me (or text me, or IM or hit me on Myspace) because apparently my voice (and words?) are enough to send them banging on my door in hopes of banging, well, me. I can't tell you how utterly fucking annoying that is! Yes, I know that a lot of people would be thrilled to hear such declarations of horniness but that shit ain't flying with me.

THEM: I was just so horny and I didn't want to give you the wrong impression of me/If I heard your voice, I would be tempted to scoop you up.

*The second quote is from my ex from 2003 who just so happens to have a girlfriend.

WHAT I HEAR BETWEEN THE LINES: I can't fuck you so I'm not talking to you.

In the case of the first guy (29, attractive, teaches at the high school by my house) he at first told me that he spends Valentine's Day every year with his 12 year old daughter. That's cool. I talked to him about V's Day again and he said that V's Day was a day for sex and since he wasn't getting any he was going to spend time with his daughter. *sigh* He tried to clean up (read: pull his foot out of his ass) that statement by saying that him spending the day with his daughter was a tradition. Who I am to fuck with tradition, right? The last I heard from him was on that day when he sent me a text message, "Happy Vday hope u spend it thinking of me". I said, "Same here", but I didn't really mean that shit.

Really, I'm just wondering what's up with people lately? I seem to keep running into horny ass bastards and bastardettes. Let's see, there's the guy who I talked to a few times at my school who for some reason sent me (and 12 other people) a pic of his dick (impressive, but EW!) without any provocation to do so, the guy on the next block who pulled out his cell phone and showed me a pic of his dick (not impressive at all, and again, EW!), and the massive male assholes on MySpace who wants to know if they can lick/touch/fuck me on the solo tip, if they can L/T/F M in a threesome, and if they can L/T/F M on the regular as a sex buddy despite the fact that it CLEARLY states on my page that I'm not for that shit at ALL. I realize that I'm at the age where there is supposed to be a lot of exploration/partying/sex going on, but honestly, I did a lot of that shit when I was younger. I still have the fire in me, but I'm not going to have a fuck buddy because that's the cool thing to do and I'm not about to have a threesome because it's "cute", "cool", and, according to some people, what I'm genetically predisposed to do because I'm Bisexual.

I don't know what the hell is going on these days but I would LOVE to meet someone who sees me not only as a sexual being (and can actually handle it) but for my other wonderful qualities as well. I always seem to get the ones that want to fuck the hell out of me with no commitment or want to commit to be but don't see me sexually. Do I really have to settle for one or the other? Fuck no! Until I find my ideal man or woman (the latter might be unlikely), I'm closing up shop.

Closed until further notice,

Reina Negra V (Black Queen V)

P.S. I know that the spanish word for queen came waaay before the Latin Kings/Queens and whoever else was/is using it, but I still want to state for whoever's reading this that I AM NOT nor have I ever been or will be affliated with the Latin Kings/Queens or any other gang. I know that the streets of the internet are mean but there's no internet thugging or banging on my block. I live in a nice internet neighborhood! :-D

Have you ever wondered if it smarts when your heart is ignored and sword becomes lowered?

There are some things in life that I just don't understand and one of those things is relationships, love, dating, whatever you want to call it. Sometimes I think that I'm just not cut out for all of that....that I'm meant to be a loner.

At the end of June I met this guy while I was running errands with a former friend of mine. He and I hit it off immediately and everything was cool. We talked constantly, but one day, it just stopped. After two weeks he called and explained to me, among other things, that his mother was sick. I'm damn sure not gonna fault him for that, right? Right. We ended up going out in the middle of August and it was honestly one of the best days of my life. All we did was have lunch and walk around downtown, but the vibe was really good. He was one of the only people I knew that actually saw the side of me that most people don't see. I didn't have to front for him and I didn't have to hide some of my likes and dislikes....He encouraged me to be me, right down to my love for almost all things Hello Kitty. He was sexy as hell, too.....curly hair, deep brown heavy-lidded bedroom eyes, soft lips....*ahem*

I used to be the type to obsess over little aspects of the date (Where exactly are we going? What time will we be back? Did you call to make sure they would be open? etc.) but I left it in his hands. Out of all the things I could've asked on or about the date, I never thought that I would have to ask whether or not we were actually on a date! I mean, with the constant (and I mean constant even though the date/non-date was eight hours long) hand-holding, arms wrapping around my waist, sweet nothings (in about three damn different languages), and long, deep kisses, I thought that we were on a romantic date. According to him, I was wrong. He said that he didn't see it as a date, at least not at first. Gee....thanks for telling me! He kept telling me how he doesn't want a relationship and how he just wants to be my friend. I'm sorry but while I don't think that one date and makeout session constitutes the beginning of a long-term relationship, I damn sure don't think that you're supposed to makeout with your friend! He said that he actually has had friends like that. I just can't go for that. Anyone who would've saw us would've thought that we were together. Hell, he kept making comments like "Damn, we make a cute ass couple, don't we?". Who says that if it's not a date and they're just friends?

The other thing that's been frustrating me about him lately is he apparently doesn't know the meaning of compromise. I was under the impression that when two people compromise, they find some way to meet up in the middle. Usually that means that both parties have to give up something in the process. He thought that I was going too fast as far as "us" is concerned but all I said was that I would like to see him again....the very same thing he said repeatedly on the non-date that we had. The minute I talk about something that's not "lighthearted" and "fun", he's all "It's too much! You're gonna run me away!" Oh, please, knee grow! Man the fuck up! He knew from the jump that I was looking for a relationship and that I was willing to date and take my time to get there. If he wasn't looking for one, he should've shut the shit down right then and there. Oh, I'm supposed to be getting to the point, right? The thing is, he felt that I was going too fast and I felt he was going too slow, so he said that we would have to compromise. What did that mean to him? It meant that I would either slow down to his pace or wait right where the hell I was until he got there. WTH? That is NOT a damn compromise! I would've slowed down, but what would've been wrong with him speeding up a bit?

Why do I have to change who I am and he gets to stay the same? Why I am the one who always has to sacrifice while everyone else sits pretty? If I have so many "friends", then why I am the one who has to make the first move? The first call? The first contact? Why can I bust my ass and make time for people but they can't lift a finger to do the same for me? Not anymore! If people want me, they have to make time for me and find me. I'm going to focus on school, getting a job and making a way for myself. Yeah, I could've done all that even with a significant other, but I'm just gonna go at it alone like I've done most things in my life. Honestly, I do want a true friend and I do want my love to come along, but until they do (if they do), I'm going to close up a bit and be on my own for a while. Maybe if I do it by choice and not by force it won't feel so bad.

Back on my grind, y'all

Ok, just to let everyone know, I'm a bit schleepy (sleepy) so if parts of this doesn't make any sense then I apologize in advance.

Just to lay out where I am now and what I would like to achieve academically: I'm a full-time student at Harold Washington College in Chicago, Illinois. This is my second semester of college ever and I'm still getting acclimated to not only my class schedule but the whole experience of being in college in the first place. I hope to get my AA in Spanish by Fall 2008 and then I plan to attend Kendall College for culinary arts. The Fall 2006 semester for HWC started on Monday, and yes, I did go to all of my classes. lol This semester I'm in school four days a week for a good lil chunk of the day.


My first class on Monday was Spanish 102. The teacher seems pretty cool (she's not hot like my teacher for Spanish 101 was :-D ) and our class size is fairly small. As far as I remember, we're going to be learning past tenses. First of all, I can't believe that I have to learn something like 14 verb tenses for Spanish. Second of all, why in the hell did I schedule myself for the 9 am class? I'm already regretting it a bit cause I have that class tomorrow and I'm side-eyeing (thanks C+D!) the hell out of waking up at 5 am. *le sigh*

The second class on Monday was Social Science 101 with a Race & Ethnicity emphasis. One of the reasons why I took this particular Social Science class was because I really wasn't sure of what Soc Sci consisted of, so I figured that if I went with a class with a certain emphasis to it, I could find my way through it easier. The teacher seems nice but I know that he won't take any shit from us students. I really respect that. I'm going to have to write a few papers (which I expected) and one five page paper due at the end of the semester. I don't think I'll have too much trouble with that paper because I'm writing on a topic that is near to my heart.

Today, I went to my Philosophy of Religion class. I walked in about 10 minutes late (which isn't really late when it's the first week of the semester) and whadda you know? I couldn't find a seat! I had to sit in an office chair with my books propped up on my knees. There must have been about 30 or 40 people in the class and a couple of them weren't even there! I can already tell that this is going to be a very....interesting class to say the least. We all know that religion is a very touchy and somewhat taboo topic of discussion so it should be interesting to see how it all plays out. Hopefully he/we won't shy away from discussions that have the potential to be explosive. I like intellectual conflict. :-D Another interesting thing is that my older cousin is taking the same class that I am. I joked to him that I may find out some stuff that I don't want to know about him through the class. It's weird having a family member in my class, but it feels good at the same time. Maybe the connection of my family and I starts with him (more on that another time, I guess). Oh, and I will be writing papers every two weeks. Oh, joy! :-/

Later, I went to my last class of the day which was Literature 114 : Ideas in Prose. This class actually isn't one that I have to take. It's purely for pleasure because first of all, I love to read. Secondly, it has a Gay and Lesbian Literature emphasis. How cool is that? The teacher shares an office with my former English 101 professor (who, seriously, was like the greatest teacher evah!) and she was the one to tell me about my Lit teacher before the Fall semester even began. She seemed elated when she found out that I was taking his class. Said he needed thinkers like me. *cheeses* Anyway, I think he's cool, but I can tell that he really doesn't take any shit. How do I know? Besides his demeanor, he gave us a 13 (I think) page syllabus today. I also really like and respect the fact that he's willing to go the extra mile to make it to class. He (like a lot of other teachers at HWC) is taking a class at U.I.C. so in order to get to school in time to teach our class, he probably has to damn near break his neck. He let us know that he's going to try his damnest to make it to class and if he doesn't, he'll e-mail us and let us know why.

I guess I'm in awe of that because last semester I had a teacher who always came to class 5 to 10 minutes late without fail. I don't take well to the whole "Do as I say, not as I do" that many people (including teachers) apply so it's hard for me to listen to/respect a teacher who does the same things that they don't want to be done in their class by students. I'm not even gonna continue the rant about that particular teacher because it's in the past....plus, he gave me a "B". lol

I'm determined not to fail any of the courses this semester as well as to pass them with flying colors (and no, I don't consider a "C" to be flying colors lol). Wish me luck, everyone!

Nothing like the first time, right?

So, I finally did it. I got a Blogger account. Just like MySpace, it seems like everyone these days has one, so I figured why not jump on the bandwagon? I plan to blog on various things....love/heartache/elation/meh-ness, bisexuality, school, and just life in general. Most of my posst will probably be long as hell, so don't say I didn't warn ya! Hopefully I can keep up with this throughout my busy schedule :-D

Oh, and all comments are welcome! Except ignant ones....y'all will know em when you see em.