Respect the Porn Industry, Dammit! NSFW!

Ok, so you're at your computer ready to whack off or finger pop to an illegally downloaded file filled with the finest that the porn industry has to offer. You're not hurting anyone, right?


WRONG! Porn Piracy (or PP, as it's more commonly known) affects the thousands that work in the porn industry every day! I'm not just talking about your Caramels, your Ayana Angels, your Indias, Mandingos, Devlin Weeds (although that muthafucka surely has a gang of cash stashed since he's been in every damn porn since the 80's! ....*clears throat*), your Tony Evereadys and yes...even your Lexxington Steeles. Sad, isn't it? What's even sadder is that the fine folks behind the scenes of your favorite visual mastebatory materials are being shafted. Not only the produceres and writers, but the fluffers, the jizz moppers, and the ball waxers! Yes...even the ball waxers.

Today, I bring you one of the faces of the campaign to end PP. Listen to his plight and do all you can to stop PP! Borrow a tape from a friend, visit a reputable online porn store or just go and spread some bucks at your local porn shop. Whatever you do, PLEASE....stop PP-ing.


The Queef Editor thanks you,


Reina Negra V

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

Bullshit Notes From Summer 2007 Pt. 2

After I sent him that note, he hit me with one later and boy, was it a doozy! I just sent him a response tonight so if he says anything else, I'll post it.

Him - Aug 25, 2007 6:32 PM

reality check g! first of all YOURE NOT FINE!!! youre a 5 at best and youre getting fat and out of any type of shape you ever had. second youre a psycho that fucks wit bitches, man listen me being wit you u is not a upgrade 4 me its a total downgrade thats y my cousins did that cause they thought i was on crack fuckin wit someone that aint fine at all and too young. you aint worth a squrt of piss out a burnin dick!! and you will always be that same RUNNER that i let give me a v.d.FUCK YOU and the faggot niggaz u fuck wit!! and change that picture on youre site cause it dont help.thats what i get 4 gamblin on a total rat real talk. and 4 a billion cash i would never marry you are you sick?? dont flatter yourself g. p.s. get off da pills and get some fuckin money ya dig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Me - September 1, 2007

Wow....so let me get this straight. I loved you, cared for and about you, stood up for you, waited for you, NEVER cheated on you and was thinking about marrying you and because of that I'm a psycho, a downgrade, a rat and not worth a squrt of pissblahblahblah? Man, your standards are truely fucked because most men would love someone like that! I don't know what the hell I did (in YOUR mind) to "deserve" such hatred from you but I guarentee you that it's misdirected.

I never said I was fine (although I am). I said I was attractive. YOU are the one that said I was fine, sexy, attractive, etc and who am I to shut down such wonderful praise? And this body? Negro, PLEASE! Maybe you like to mess with stick thin broads but my weight is just where it's supposed to be, thank you very much. Besides, it wasn't bothering you when you couldn't keep your hands off of me the last time you saw me.

Oh, and I'M a downgrade? Dude, I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. YOU on the other hand have not made any progress since 2002. Yes, you have a daughter (if you're not lying about that) but you're also in the same place you were back then: in your mom and dad's house and/or your cousin's house, working a job that you're embarassed about and still trying to make it in the rap game. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just MAYBE you should branch out on your own and start doing for you instead of doing for everyone else, including your family? BTW, the marriage thing...um, should I send you the notes that you sent me on here cause, yeah, you said you wanted to marry me. Why would you say some stupid shit and then act like I can't go back and check?

Yeah, I'm taking anti-depressants. So? At least I'm trying to do something to better myself. What are YOU doing besides spitting that tired-ass "get money" manifesto that every other nigga out here is spitting? You're how old again? Don't you think you should leave that bullshit lifestyle to the youngin's? Get ya mind right, raise your daughter and stop trying to disrespect someone who had your back from day one (even when you did stupid shit) and who has NEVER made a move to disrespect you.

And for the last muthafuckin' time....I DID NOT GIVE YOU ANY V.D., STD OR WHATEVER! I went to the doctor after that bullshit message and guess what? I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING! You need to go scream in whatever ho's you were fucking ear and leave me the hell alone.

Bullshit Notes From Summer 2007 Pt. 1

Well, this has certainly been an...interesting summer to say the least. On the good side, I'm happy, fairly healthy, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and a magnificent hunk as a boyfriend.

On the flip side. LAWD, on the flip side...yeah, things got pretty damn shitty over the last few months. First, me and the man I loved (the 20 year old ex-dealer) got into it and he talked about me worst than a flea-ridden dog! Nah, scratch that. Y'all remember the part in "The Godfather" where the goons straight fucked up Sonny at the toll booth? Yeah, he did the emotional eqivalent of that. It's a long story so I'll just say that what's done in the dark is seen in the light. I would post the shit on here but honestly, it's too damn painful.

Second, my first ex-fiancee came back. Yes, the FIRST. I may post about the second one later. Anyway, after not hearing from him since 2002, he found me on MySpace and started in with the, "Oh, baby I'm so glad that you're back in my life! Thank God for you and having another chance and if I could I would marry you right now..." blah blah blah. Now, being once bitten and twice shy, I wasn't trying to hear all that but I decided to maybe date him and see where it would go. You know, I'll just let the email I sent to a few Crunkers tell the tale.


Ok...I just told another one of my exes off today (well, again). The ex in this case is a guy named [name deleted]. Most of y'all know the story but for those who don't:

I met him when I was 16 going on 17 and he was 25 going on 26 in 2001. We dated for three months and the night after he "proposed" to me, he supposedly got arrested and after his release spent a month or so at his brother's house before he came back home. Oh, and I hadn't heard from him for two weeks before then because he claimed that he got into it with his father and cousins about me and that he took a train to TN but came back because he missed me and wasn't going to let anyone stop him from being with the woman he loves and wants to marry. Oy...

Bottom line: I didn't hear from him for 7 1/2 months (July 2002). He came back talkin' sweet but he soon turned into a jealous twit and began picking fights with me about everything. I'm talmbout from the places that I wanted to work to my hair color to me wanting to wear blue/violet/dark green contacts to switch thangs up. Things were going along kinda ok until he called me (from a number that couldn't be called back) and left a message on the voice mail (which my mother heard before I did) stating that I gave him Gonorrhea (which I got tested for and did NOT have) and that our relationship was over because the only way he could've gotten it is if I had cheated on him. That was the last I heard from him for 5 years.

Fast forward to June of this year. I got a message from him on MySpace. We talked on the phone and I got a couple of questions answered. I saw him that same day (kilt his ass with my fuck-'em dress!) and he was all huggy and shit. He was actually thanking GOD that I was going to give him a chance and that he saw me, blah blah blah. He wanted to get back together but I've been burned twice by him so I wasn't going to take that chance. I said that we could date and he said he was fine with that. However, he was already calling me "baby" and whatnot so maybe it didn't quite sink through. At the time I was still feeling for the ex-dealer (shut. UP.) so when B started acting his usual way (disappearing on my ass) I didn't really mind but once I started to think about that shit I got pissed because I was really close to falling for his shit again. The main reason I got into it with him was because I seriously don't want to be going through this shit every few years!

Anyway, here are the notes that led up to today. Enjoy!


P.S. His reason for the STD shit and the abrupt way he left things? He thought that things wouldn't work because of our age difference and he felt like he was holding me back and like he was forcing us to be and on and on and on.


[Him] - Jun 25, 2007 3:13 PM

hey sweety, still killin em. ya boy ollie alluwishus donitello. [Don't ask me what the fuck he was trying to do with that name. - RNV]


From: Me
Date: Jun 25, 2007 7:38 PM

Well, well, well....Bobby Digital himself (guess you ain't calling yourself that no more, huh?). How'd you find me? Why did you find me? I thought you hated me for what you CLAIMED I did to you 5 or 6 years ago.


Him - 12:13 AM

baby, its totally water unda da bridge. im jus glad youre still beautiful an all dat, and it could be 20 years and ill never 4get the time when i was yourz an u were mine. love
ALWAYZ [name deleted].


Me - Jun 26, 2007 2:16 PM

Just to let you know, if you do decide to call or text, feel free to do it before 9 pm if you wish. I really do hope to hear from you soon, [name deleted]. [I was trying to get some damn answers - RNV]

9:49 PM
Feel free to call me in the morning. If I don't answer, just leave a voice mail and I'll call you back.

As you can see on my page, I'm still single and have been so for almost a year now. Take that how you wanna take it. *winks* [Hesh up!]


Him - 11:39 PM

i left my phone but ill have it 2ma, im eager to holla at you my num is [deleted] i work nights but my morn is open imma holla, im at the j.o. and yes i do.....still and will always love you. i no u might b wit someone but hey i had to put that out there no disrespect, and i fell back cause i felt that was a sign to let you grow a spread your wings. you deserve soooo much and i didnt really have anything to............well you get it.

4eva yourz,
[name deleted]

[We talked on the phone and saw each other and he was supposed to see me later that night, but his cousin got arrested.]

Jun 28, 2007 1:15 AM
my phone is dead sweety but everythings o,k, they impounded my cousins car though so thats another 2000 the fam is out of. but i cant stop thinkin about you are you ok?

[After this we communicated through text sparsely]

Me - Jul 16, 2007 8:24 PM

My cell is disconnected for the moment (and for goodness knows how long) so if you want to talk you can either hit me up here or on the house phone: [number deleted]. I was trying to text you to say that it was a good thing that I didn't hear from you because I was and still am going through something that concerns my heart and emotions. I don't want to get into it right now because I'm still hurt but, you know.


Him - Jul 17, 2007 6:01 PM

yes i know, umm dont let me fuck up anything you might feel strong about even if it means losing you. ive always been...... well lets just say lost when it comes to love so im conditioned to it, its nothing thats y i bury myself in this music.being a man in this family u have 2 deal wit alot of pain so if anything please remember.. i will always love you and a call away from anything i can do
to help,talk, console, cherish an.........

love always,
the nice guy

[This is where I got a bit frustrated]

Me - Jul 17, 2007 8:39 PM

I made a mistake. My phone isn't turned off, it just wasn't working last night.

You're not fucking up anything. He hates me now so that's that. I'm still not trying to jump into anything, though. In all honesty, it's kind of hard to picture us together because of some of the things you do. I don't want to be put on a pedestal and I don't want my faults to be ignored, but that's what you do and always have done. I can't take the adoration you give me. I can't take you being in awe of me like you do sometimes. I can't take trying to knock down your ideal image of me so you can see who I really am. It's too much work. It was fine in my younger days but I've grown away from all that.

I'm not saying that I don't want you around and I'm not saying that being a good guy is a bad thing. I just wanna be me and me is VERY flawed. Also, ever since I've known you, you've had a whole naive, I-didn't-know-any-better thing about you that I really don't like. It makes me wonder if you're being fake or trying to use it as an excuse to do things.

Like I said, I'm not trying to talk about you. I'm just getting stuff off of my chest that's been there for YEARS. I'm feeling like I won't be able to fully trust you because I'll be waiting for you to disappear again. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm a lil woozy from the Benedryl I took.

[After this he did his disappearing act yet again. I wasn't casting him off. I just wanting him to see how it is for me dealing with him most of the time. Truth be told, he acts like a fuckin' STAN. I tried to text him to see what was what but after a while I said fuck it! I had been feeling this way for a loooong time but didn't tell him until after I started my relationship with Z. Tew-tally unintentional, btw]

Aug 20, 2007 8:23 PM

Well...you did it again. I gave you a chance for the third time and you mananged to mess it up. *sighs* I was really hoping that you had changed and that you would be around but I should've known better. You may have grown up as far as age but not in other places and not when it comes to me. You're still the same 26 year old that acted like a 18 year old. It's cool, though. Apparently, we're not on the same level and I doubt we'll ever be.

Just do me a favor: The next time you feel like you want to reconnect with me and you want to thank God for me...DON'T. Just stop trying to get back because it's a bunch of bullshit on your end. I have better things to do with my time AND my LIFE than to wonder if you're going to come around again and if you're going to do right.


Bobby - Aug 21, 2007 4:48 PM

listen, im out here trying to get rich period, im working 2 jobs now and doing this music i dont have time to raise a grown ass woman, i need you on your shit and if not its no problem cause i feel like i never had you anyway so i cant miss what i never had. i swear to GOD in heaven that if i had it my way we would have been married but i got a loyalty with my fam and we have problems. i never left, im just sick of hearing and dealing with other guys [For goodness sake! He's referring to the funny stories I would tell him about guys trying to get at me. Just like the shit I post here.] thats all if its just me then i promise ill drop everything and it will be just you. but im too old to be dealing with kid shit. [my name deleted] please trust me im done with bullshit and games i dont wanna spook you cause im serious im getting a house and i want you to move in with me so we could be a family.


Me - Aug 21, 2007 8:10 PM

Wait wait wait! You did NOT say "raise a grown ass woman". Have you forgotten who the hell I am? My teenaged self was telling your grown ass how to take care of yourself back when we first got together, so don't try to pull that shit on me. I've BEEN grown and you know that. And when have I NOT been on my shit? I'm helping my mother out doing everyday errands that she CAN'T do because she's disabled, I'm taking care of my brother's dog AND I'm packing and trying to move so miss me with all that, B.

You wanna talk that "I never had you" shit and then in the same breath talk about how we would be married. That makes no kind of sense! Why the hell would you want to marry someone you claim you don't miss and you claim you never had? Why the fuck are you thanking GOD for me if you never had me? [Yeah...sorry bout using the f-word and God in the same sentence, y'all!]

The other guys? OMG! You ARE still the same [his name deleted]! I can't joke with you about guys trying to get at me because you still get jealous over every little comment and every little stare. Dude, don't try to be in a relationship with a pretty woman with a nice body and personality if you can't handle it! I'm that woman, and I'm probably always going to be that woman so if you can't deal then you have no business trying to be with me let alone marry me.

And you know what? It was you. It was you for a long ass time and I told you that. It was you when it shouldn't have been you. It was YOU when your punk ass deserted me for 7 1/2 months the day after you "proposed" to me and it was YOU even after you left that bullshit ass message on my phone where everyone could hear and it was YOU in the back of my mind and heart for YEARS!

I told you that I had some feelings that I was trying to deal with but that I would if you gave me time. You're always asking me for time to get your shit straight, but you couldn't give it to me. You NEVER could! I think that's called hypocrisy. You might wanna check that before you step to someone else.

Oh, and trust me, you could NEVER be as tired of the kid games as I am. You're still pulling the same shit you did years ago and it exhausts me. I'm not the 16/17 year old you were messing with. I'm damn near 23 years old and you're still pulling the same shit like it'll work. That's not very smart. Honestly, YOU exhaust me. I just don't have the strength to deal with your shit anymore.

Your loyalty to your fam has nothing to do with this. Then again, maybe it does. You claim you were going to leave me because you got pissed at what your father said about me. [His father called him a Chester even though I was legal at the time] You're living with the same cousins that whooped your ass because you were with me. [He claims his father got them to do that for the same reason. They ain't say that shit when one of them walked in on dude giving me a backshot.] What would be next? It's always something with you! Now, do you wonder why I didn't go back with you right away? I knew you were going to fuck up. If that sounds harsh, then, hey but it has to be said.

Maybe you can take the time to REALLY get yourself together and find the one for you. It's not me. Besides...it's way too little, too late. I'm in a relationship now with someone I care very much for.

Take care of yourself, [his name deleted].

Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay, Watching As My Soul Flies Away...

Pay no attention to the sportcasters. It's all about the big ass bird mascot in the middle!

Reason #236 Why "Dumb American" Jokes and Stereotypes Exist a.k.a. I This Video Broke My Brain

I--I--*hangs head*

I'm going to sleep,

Reina Negra V

Reason # 358 Why "Dumb American" Jokes and Stereotypes Exist

God Bless the American education system,

Reina Negra V

Because My Gay/Glay/Geigh Quota Hasn't Been Filled This Week...

I present to you.....


GREGORIUS!!! *echos*

Would You Motorboat?

Note: Silly string implants are implants that continue to grow after they've been placed in the body.


The hell if I know why,

Reina Negra V

Um...

I got nothing, y'all. Just watch the clip.

I Am SO Screamin' This Ish When I Go To The Club

What Chu Koo-Kooin' About?

Just. Fuckin'. DEAD!


Still not Billie Jean,

Reina Negra V

Wrong, Wrong, WRONG!

As y'all are very well aware, I love men. I mean I LUUUUUUUURVE men! But this shit here makes me think that someone is trying to turn me Les!



Things wrong with the vid?

1) He has what may or may not be his thongs on inside out.

2) He's playing the edited version of "Thong Song".

3) He's playing "Thong Song".

4) He's doing the Harlem Shake.....*stares at screen* I think.

5) He's dancing like a 4 or 5 year old would to the "latest" "jam". Seriously! Dude looks like he's having an epileptic seizure combined with death throes combined with the onset of rigormortis!

6) He's still...."dancing" when he puts on his basketball shorts.

I just have one question for him: What kind of fuckery did you pull on the person you made that tape for and just how bad was it to make him take revenge by posting that shit? That was what happened, right?

*sighs* I loves my Gay/Geigh/Glay brothers out there so could y'all PLEASE do me a favor? PLEASE take the man to the side and teach him how to properly shake his ass in a thong? Give him some muscles relaxants if you need to to loosen him up! Whatever you have to do! Just...make him STOP! *breaks down sobbing*


BONUS!!! Here's some comments from his *clears throat* wife.

philly341 (1 year ago) Marked as spam
baby I can't believe u put this up here. I can't believe u got on my thong and ur FATASS riped it. AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW baby I love u with that fat ass and big **** of ur's. Baby u can jiggle it. I love you so much. I can't wait untill we get married

philly341 (1 year ago) Marked as spam
baby i love u so much husband and look at this all the guys think u r gay i still can't believe u put this video up here for me i love u ur wife christina. I can't wait until we have the wedding i want and not the one we had the 29th. i can't wait until ur down here with me ill have our place soon baby

I Move Away From the Comp to CTHU

Ok...Unless you've been holed up in Supahead's pussy (and by now, who hasn't?) you've heard and seen "Chocolate Rain" by the illustrious Tay Zonday. As it goes with internet phenomenons, people started making their own versions so now I present to you (what I think are) the best of the best!

CHOC-LATE Raaaaain (The Chipmunk Version)


Gon' 'head and do it all by yoself!


So THAT'S what he's been doing since he got fired from The WB!


*sings* It's Zonnnnnnnnnndaaaaaaaaay!


Get ya Fosse on!



And finally....My personal favorite: The 8-bit remix! (Shoutout to all the old school gamers out there)

Did Somebody Say DICK?!?

Oh, Alexyss! *sighs* You have a good message but I'll be damned if it's being taken how you would like it. I, for one, cannot watch any of your videos without wanting to CTFU (crack the fuck up) or DCD (dramatic cunt drop/dip). I don't think I've ever posted one of her videos, but due to the recent events in my life it seems to be needed now more than ever. On this particular video, Ms. Taylor tells the tale of a man who flew to ATL to give some good dick to a woman and the woman ain't been right in the head since. A.T's mannarisms remind me of my drunk aunt. It's like her coming up to me and trying to teach me the game on men while holding an Old Style can.

I give to you, a gift of hot dick and nuts!

Enjoy,

Reina Negra V

Young Boys Have NO Game

I know the above title is stating the obvious, but y'all know y'all lubs my "EW! He's talking to meeeeeeee!" stories so here are some more!

About a week or so ago, I was headed to the corner store and, as usual, I had my headphones blaring. I walked passed a group of about 6 or 7 young dudes and even though my music was loud I could STILL hear one of them going, "Ay girl! AY!!". I purchased some stuff and walked back out. As I weaved my way through the crowd I heard the same asinine shit they were spitting and I got sick of it.

Me: What the FUCK do you want?!?

Main Dumbass: Ay ma...if you wanna be down with Dipset, you gotta get yo lips wet.

Me (thinking): What the hayle does that shit mean? He is NOT still on some "Dipset! Dipset" shit! ARGGH!

Me (speaking): Fuck y'all. *walks away*

The Dumbass Crew: *spewing the usual derogatory statements towards females*

Me: *sashays down the street to the tune of "Shut Up and Drive"*

I just LOVE living in the hood! *gags*


Later on that week, I was in the same store when this young, short and not so attractive young boy strolls in.

Him: *tries to pass me a flyer for a restaurant around the way*

Me: I already have one of those, but thanks.

Him: Well, you ain't called.

Me: *raises eyebrow* And how would YOU know that?

Him: Because I haven't delivered to your house.

Me: *makes mental note to NEVER order from that place*

Him: How old you is?

Me: *DEAD* *stiffles laughter* I'm 22.

Him: Fo real?

Me: *thinking* This fool betta NOT say he's in his 20's or some shit!

Him: I just turned 18 a week ago!

Me: *trying not to CTFU* *thinking* Bless yo heaaaaaart!
*speaking* How CUUUUTE! That's so precious!

Him: I'm still trying to celebrate it. Wanna help me?

Me: Nah. I'm good.

Him: You got a man?

Me: *lying my ASS off* Yep.

Him: *trying to be sly* What he don't know won't hurt him.

Me: *thinking* Whoever taught this boy his game should be shot!
*speaking* Well, I don't roll like that.

Him: Look at you! Cheesin' an' shit!

Me: *annoyed and through gritted teeth* I'm trying to be polite.

Him: Oh, really.

Me: *sighs* Yes.

Him: *some indeciphrable shit about playing games*

Me: *walks right the fuck out*


So not only am I a magnet for old ass men, I'm one for young ass boys with NO kinda game! I mean....to be so young and so CLICHED is a damn shame! Men, if you just HAVE to teach your sons how to be pimps, playas, etc at least teach him the right kind of game! Tell him to stop hanging around with know nothing friends and listen to some old school shit. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PIMPTASTIC, PLEASE!


This public service announcemnt has been brought to you by the letter "L" (for LAME) and the Association of Women Tired of Hearing Weak-Ass Game.

Reh Dooooogg....Flowin' Through My Miiiiiiiind...

The more I watch, the more I do......the Reh Dogg-scrub-my-booty-in-the-shower-while-contemplating-life-dance! Ladies and gentlemen, queens and kings and everyone in between....I present to you: REH DOGG!!


Online Friendships Hurt (Why yes, Reh....yes, they do)


Blacken Chinese Man (Yes....you read that right)


Rome the Dark Street (Reh gettin' GANGSTA!! Hartford, nigga! WHAT?!?)


Desperate Times (Need Asian Women)


Keep Fuckin' Around (CT in this bitch!!)


Exploding Anger


It's a Known Fact (Reh in 1997)


Reh in 1994


Reh Dogg Diss O.M.G.


You Say I'm Ugly


You Say I'm Ugly Reeeeeeeeemiiiiiiiiiiiix!


Wash Yu Underwear


And now....the one that started it all:

WHY MUST I CRY?


*ala Barney from "The Simpsons"* Don't cry for me. I'm already *DEAD*.


Reina Negra V

Sunday Afternoon Randomness

Why the hell do little kids love to hear themselves scream? I was leaving my house one day last week and my older cousin, her son, and two neighborhood kids were on the stoop. The girls started singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" very softly and then...

Girls: Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what....you.... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!!!

Me: *head go 'splody*


I have my mother's last name which is Jewish but even if I had taken my father's last name it would still have been Jewish.


If my celebrity crushes were animals, I would have a turtle, two camels and a buff-ass bunny (I REFUSE to refer to him as a gorilla! We got enough bogus white people doing that already).


I'm addicted to feeling like a normal woman.


I would SO shave my head like Miss Tanzania but I have no idea how my head is shaped and whether it would look ok.


I really miss having purple hair.


They say if wishes and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Why just a Merry Christmas? Not Valentine's Day? Easter? Flag Day? I thought candy and nuts could be enjoyed at any time!

Since Moo & Oink's mascots are a cow and a pig does that promote animal cannabalism? How do they feel about selling out their species to humans?

Amusement Park, Indeed

Curtis James Jackson III is so damn fine and sexy to me! Yes, I'm actually talking about his face, too! He's my lil' gangsta bunny. *smiles* And yes, he could get it.



All day



Every day



Anytime



Anywhere



Any damn position



In broad daylight



Bathed in candlelight



In a fitted



In a doo-rag



Even with a vest on




So, yes with him I would surely play
In his amusement park every night and day!

Reina Negra V

Chicagoland's Finest Men

Looking for a starter wife - 27

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-343152020@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-01, 11:35PM CDT


Title says it all...

We can get a McMansion and have a kid or two. In 8 years, when you are starting to show your age and not able to drop the pregnancy weight, I will run off with my secretary. She will be dumb as a lamppost but will have a great rack. In the meantime, you can drive a mini-SUV (I'm thinking Acura, BMW if you can cook)and sit on your ass all day while calling yourself a "stay-at-home" mom.

Visitation rights must be guaranteed, pre-nup required (it won't make you rich, but will ensure that you can continue to sit on your ass all day).





Location: NW Burbs
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343152020


im seeking a stage five clinger - 22

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-343145253@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-01, 11:18PM CDT


as the title states, i'm looking for a clinger, one of those women that always wants to be around you, calls you 30 times a day, very affectionate, crazy about you, whatever, to all those women out there who have been called a clinger in a bad way, i think it's great, all I ask is that you don't smoke, do drugs, no tattoos, are disease free, aren't a bbw, and are considered attractive by more than your mother and father. (please include a picture) Thank you.




Location: Oakbrook
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343145253


Seeking the Asian mindset - 50

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Reply to: pers-343117249@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-01, 10:17PM CDT


I'm a slim, handsome, healthy SWM in my 50s. I've a grey hair or two, but look to be about 42.

I have an education, a solid career and a lifelong appreciation of the arts.

I'm looking for a woman, late 30s or older, displaying the common sensible approach to selecting their significant other which I've often observed and admired amongst Asians (both men and women). [WTH?!? -- RNV]

Seeking a partner based on kindness and character, along with physical appearance, makes a world of sense to me.

I'm astounded by ads I've read of women seeking men based on their looking like "rockers", having tattoos,liking certain bars or bands or having a penchant for sarcasm.

I'll be happy to answer questions, send my picture and generally present my persona.






it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343117249


Mutually beneficial relationship desired

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Reply to: pers-343053823@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-01, 8:14PM CDT


Looking for a female use some cash; and wouldn't mind the company of a nice person. I am an easy going guy, attractive and fun looking to pay cash for a regular massage. No hidden agenda here. I could use the company of a non professional female who could use some financial assistance. I would like to do this on a regular basis.


If you are a student, or part time person this would probably work well for you. Hopefully, I don't get flagged.


If you send me a one-liner - stating send me a picture; or how much. Your email will be deleted. I am looking for an intelligent, decent person; not someone who is just curious, wants to me mean, or is just wasting people's time.




Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343053823


college student looking - 20

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Reply to: pers-343047149@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-01, 8:02PM CDT


i am a college student looking for a woman to possibly take care of me...or find some sort of work for me to where i can get paid...i have plenty of pics upon request




Location: downtown
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 343047149


Reply to: pers-342933107@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-01, 4:51PM CDT


I am a very tall handsome white professional male who seeks a special relationship with a very special female who desires to be treated like a little girl by a fatherly type figure. Frequently I am nothing more then a listener or interviewer while you relive your past or speak a private fantasy.

I don't smoke, I am a light drinker and I don't use drugs. I love to talk, laugh and enjoy the friendship and the special affection two people can provide one another. I don’t find pleasure in pain but I am not above giving a good spanking if my “daughter” needs one.

All shapes, sizes, ages and races are welcome to reply. If you need a “Daddy” type to take care of your special needs then let's talk, exchange photos and get to know each other.

It is your choice: phone, email or IM... see how easy I am :)





Location: Chicago Area
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 342933107

This Type of Shit Happens Everyday

Let me kick this off by saying that I am a beautiful woman. No, not in that "every woman is beautiful in her own way" way, but actually beautiful. No, I'm not posting a pic on here so you'll just have to take my word for it! *sticks out tongue* Description: 5'4, 140 pounds, caramel skin, brown almond-shaped eyes, short dark brown hair and an old-school Coke bottle figure. Nice, right? Yeah, I know. *winks*



Anyway, I've never really had a shortage of guys approaching me but lately I seem to be attracting a new breed: the old man at the club/pimp/wannabe pimp/use to be pimp/man seeking to relive his glory days/trying to get a glory day in the first damn place.


Last week I walked into a lil cooked food joint on Commercial Ave., placed my order, and sat down. A few minutes later, in walks an old guy in his 60's or 70's, gray hair and all. He sits opposite of me, which for some reason highly annoyed me. Maybe I knew what was coming.


Me: *texting on my cell phone*

Him: What? You calling me on my phone?

Me: *thinking* Here we fuckin' go A-DAMN-GAIN!

*speaking with a weak smile, trying to be polite* What?

Him: I see you messing with your phone and I was asking you if you were calling me. *smiles*

Me: *with that same damn smile*: Oh! Heh. No.

*notices that he has on cheap ass snow boots in 70 degree weather*

*tries to contain laughter*

Him: So....what? Are you playing a game on your phone?

Me: No. I'm texting someone. (Coco, Ninja, Blk Grl, La Negra Linda....this is the moment that I texted y'all)

Him: Texting? Woooooow! My phone can't do all that!

Me: *thinking* You are NOT going to try and mack to me by letting me know just how technolgically behind you are.
*sighs internally. DEEPLY.*
*speaking* Well, some people just need their phone just for calls.

*silence*

Him: I--

Me: *sees the person waving me over for my food*

*thinking* Oh, thank GOD!!

*damn near runs to the counter*

*grabs food and leaves*


Dude might have been harmless but there was no way that he was getting my number or anything else from me! He was giving off a child molester vibe for some reason. Maybe it was because I'm so much younger than him and the phone thing.

What he said: What are you doing? Texting? Wooooow! My phone can't do all thaaaaaaaaat!

What I heard: My phone can't do that but if you show me how to use it I'll give you all the candy you waaaaant! Heh heh heh. *winks*

Maybe it's just me.

Yesterday I went to McDonald's to pick up something and almost as soon as I walked in I notice this tall and fat guy. I'm not talking about the kind of fat that some people wear well and they look really good. Oh, no. My boy Kevin is that type. Dude was NOT. I mean, his belly was so big, it looked distended! Dude looked about 8 months pregnant with TWINS! At least his tittays weren't bigger than mine. I think. *shudders* I think he was probably in his late 30's to 40's. His was not a good look AT ALL!

Him: Girl, what, you tryna--tr-try-tryna be a model?

Me: *thinking* ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!! W.T.F?!?

*speaking*(highly annoyed but polite): No.

Him: 'Cause you sure are looking (?) today!

Me: Heh.

McD's employee: Can I help you?

Me: *gives the order*

Him: (something indecipherable)

Him AND McD's employee: *speaks at the same time*

Me (to the employee): I'm sorry. How much was that again?

Him: You tryna brang (?), huh?

Employee: *quotes price*

*He leaves*

Me (relieved): Thank you.


I mean, damn! I know I was lookin' gooder than cooked food and all (high and mighty fro, turquois clingy shirt, with TASTEFUL sequins SPARSELY USED, tight blue jeans, big earrings, and white gym shoes), but go away! Like I told my boy Coco, maybe I reminded him of an ex or a former lover or something. He damn sure looked old enough to have been a teenager/young adult in the 70's. Maybe he has a Pam Grier fetish. Yo no se y no me importa (I don't know and it's not important to me).


I have one more story. The guy I'm about to mention isn't old, per se but he was at least in his 30's. People may say that black don't crack, but from the looks of these guys, it damn sure can chip, peel, tarnish, and get weater-beaten! Ok, so I went to CVS Pharmacy to pick up some pop (you know....soda?) and I was on my way to the counter when some peon (heh.) tried to get at me. He actually kinda looked like Akon. Ewl.


Him: What's up beautiful?

Me (listlessly): Hey.

Him: Can I talk to you and get to know you?

Me: *not even looking back*: I have a boyfriend. (La mierda del toro! I'm as single as they come!)

Him: You might, but I can be your MAN!

Me: *mutters* Oy!

Him (from two aisles down): Can I tell you a story?!?

Me: No!

Him: Can I tell you a story?!?

Me (rapidly): IsaidNO!!

*walks to the checkout*

Him (about 2 fucking feet away): You are very beautiful.

Me: *not looking up* Thank you--

*sees who it is*
*sneers*
*pays for my stuff*
*tries to duck and dodge his ass like I'm in a damn war so he won't know where I'm going*


And y'all wonder why my ass isn't all up and down my neighborhood? I don't feel like hearing that shit! Even if I have my headphones on people still try to get at me. I never get approached by the clean, sexy, attractive, intelligent, non gangbanging, funny males or females. Oh, no....I get all the other ones! The ones that look like they should be on "Maury" disputing a paternity claim. The ones that have dirt under their nails although they got off of work 4 hours prior to seeing me. The ones that say that they're a gang member but not a gangbanger. I know....fuckery, right? Yep.


Seeing as how the summer's about to start (although it feels like it is here anyway. Gotta love the Chi!), I'm guessing I should expect this kind of foolishness every time I go out, no matter what I'm wearing. UGH! I should be flattered, I guess, but to be honest it's really annoying most of the time because there hasn't been a person yet that I was able to say "yes" to.

Ah well. I bet that this is going to end up being a weekly post. PLEASE pull out your Pas-tah Kerney pwah-rayer cloths and pray that I will be blogging during the summer and not in jail for beating someone's ass or cussing them out!




You can look but not touch. Scratch that! As a matter of fact, you can't even look.

Reina Negra V