But What Do You Know?

Yeah, I know I'm late on doing a "Flashing Lights" post but whatev.

If you've been under a rock for, what, the past two weeks, you might not know that Kanye has a vid out for his most AWEFUCKIN'SOME song, "Flashing Lights". There's a big kerfluffle about it because the video ends a full minute before the recorded song does.



Then there's also the matter of ol girl...well, if you don't wanna know what happens, click the X now!
























One last chance...




































Ok! Ol' girl in the video (who has a pair of the best tittays in my opinion) drives out to the desert, takes off her clothers, sets them ablaze (btw, the thing that's blurred out is a can of lighter fluid. Odd, right?), walks back to the open trunk where we see a bound and gagged Kanye. She caresses his face like she luhs him, pulls out a shovel and...


























No, she doesn't bury him...
































SHE STABS HIM WITH THE DAMN THANG!!


And that's it. No...seriously! The vid ends with the words "FLASHING LIGHTS" in red. Done. Finito. Fin.


*sighs*


Personally, I like it but it left a LOT of fans dissatisfied. I can see why. "Flashing Lights" was/is one of the most anticipated songs off of Graduation. Isn't it possible, however, that the song is so loved by so many people that no matter what 'Ye did, a LOT would be pissed off? Damned if you do, triple damned if you don't, I guess.

Anyway, there's a lot of speculation as to what the title refers to. Here are the ones I've heard:

Paparazzi cameras

Police lights

The lights on the car in the video

A club (That was more before the video came out, though)

A runway (Same as above)

A warning, as in "Why didn't I see flashing lights (warning signs) that something was wrong with this chick?".


I don't really have a theory. It could be anything from the things mentioned above to an ambulance, an airport, a lighthouse, whatever. The general consensus concerning the video seems to be that (story-wise) the woman is Kanye's girlfriend and she shovels him to death for some kind of betrayal, be it cheating or leaving her behind for the limelight. Sounds like a good storyline. I have a few of my own, though...

Keeping in mind the lyrics are "As you recall you know I love to show off/But you didn't think that I would take it this far/But what do you know?/(Flashing...lights)/What do you know?/(Flashing...lights)/Know?/As I recall I know you love to show off/But I didn't think that you would take it this far/But what do I know..."


Scenerio #1 - Show Kanye in the midst of all his fame through the use of flashing lights (the club, paparazzi, red carpet) and juxtaposition (did I use it right) that with his girl sitting at home waiting for him and trying to kill herself. Kanye comes home to more flashing lights courtesy of the police department and ambulances.

Scenerio #2 - Show Kanye abandoning his girl and someone hands him a tape with his girl screwing another guy.

Scenerio #3 - Show Kanye abandoning his girl (sensing a theme here? lol) and he comes home to find his house trashed and/or burned down


I think that's all I have for now. I've been putting off this post for so long that I forgot a lot of ideas.

Ah well. *shrugs*

Songs to Skeet To

Some questions...

Why is the female "host" looking at the man like she's ReRe Franklin at a Chinatown All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Extravaganza?

Why am I getting a P.M. Dawn vibe at 2:13?

Why does the bigro have a ceaser in the front and a fro in the back?

Why does the music from 3:19 to 3:43 sound like a banger? (No pun intended)

Why is dude in the seafoam green giving me windah lickah at 5:05?

If this was actually real, couldn't you see Steve Harvey and Mo'nique as the hosts?

Why does 5:55 through 6:55 sound like a 112 intro mixed with some Chris Brown?

Why is the shit HAWT?!?

Why can I see (and hope to see) Lupe Fiasco in one of Green Bench's joints?

"Rangtones"?!?

Why does THE funniest shit I've seen in a while start at 8:55?

Why would I smash the two smaller dudes repeatedly?


Dammit, I haven't been this confused by a bomb-ass parody song since "Love Me Sexy"!

Guess Who's Bizzack!

Helloooooooooooooo everyboday! I know it's been a minute...but I'm ready. *winks* So much stuff has happened in the last two months it ain't even funny! I think I'll take this month by month.


January

New Year's Eve was a blast! Went out to a club/bar and got drunk with my older (and usually so reserved) cousin. Met a cute guy, flirted, and got him to buy me a drank. Ah, the milestones of getting older, right? That last drank was what did it 'cause the next day I ain't want to hear shit about cherries, pineapples or coconuts! Not too bad of a hangover so yay!

I LOST my muthafuckin' iPod! Or so I thought. Turns out it was stuck in between the cushions one one of our couches.

I was talking to this guy AP for a couple of weeks and I really liked him. He was SOOO cute on his MySpace page but when I saw him I was like "Ehhhhhhh...". Now, I know myself and I know that if I'm not attracted to someone off-bat but their personality is tight then the looks won't matter and I'll be straight. Don't get me wrong, dude was NOT ugly it's just...I wasn't attracted to him. He sensed something was up before I did so we both bowed out but had a nice second date. I told him that I just wasn't ready for a relationship but the truth was that I wasn't ready for a relationship...with him. Sorry. :-( He was cool as hell, too and I seriously wanted us to be friends but it didn't quite work out that way.

I hooked up with an ex of mine and smoked my first hookah (Thanks to SR for that!) and it was sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

After hooking up with said ex, we went to Harold's Chicken where I proceeded to chat up a guy who looked like a SRSLY cute version of Jay-Z (not as much camel, ya know?). Keep in mind I was actually with the ex when I did this. I mean, dude came in, I started eyeing him, made sure it was cool with my ex ("We just friends right? We ain't trying to get back together, right?" "Nah. Do ya thing, shawty."), and walked over to dude's table. He gave me his number (REAL) and it was cool. It wasn't until I got home and looked in the mirror that I saw a couple of light hickies on my neck! LMAO Me and dude talked for a little bit (we even made a date) but that didn't work out either. The reason for that (and the other shit I'm about to write about) deserves its...well...his own post. *blushes*

I talked to Bobby again. Goodness knows why. Maybe I was just bored. Anyway, he started on his whole "Babylovelysweetheartsexysweetiehoneysugarpie" shit, as usual and he made a vow to better himself when it came to me...as usual. *rolls eyes* He wanted to go out on the coldest day of the year and y'all already know that was not happening so...nothing happened. BTW, he said the reason why he said all that foul shit to me the last time we talked was because he had lost his job and he didn't move like he planned to and he was soooo stressed out and couldn't take care of his daughter the way that he though he should and blah blah blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzz.

o_o Whatever.

Just a little tip for my people out there: If you're frustrated/angry/pissed/miffed about something DO NOT take it out on other people, ESPECIALLY a person that has NOTHING to do with the reason you're frustrated/angry/pissed/miffed in the first place! Even if it is the same person, don't be such an asshole-ish bitch about it!

*clears throat*

*cracks knuckles*

Annyway...that didn't work out so well either because aside from the fact that he was pulling that "My baby mama who I swear I'm not in a relationship with or fucking anymore pays my cell phone bill and she checks who I call so I can't call you right now so just please hold on until the 1st when I can pay my own." shit, I started to fall for someone else.

Someone who I'll refer to as...Sasuke (yes, from "Naruto")...
















In the next post! Byee! *blows kisses and runs*

Things I've Learned in 2007

Love is sometimes not enough.

Sometimes what you think is not enough turns out to be way too much.

When God closes one door, another one opens.

Sometimes an open door can give you the strength to close another one.

My moral boundries are not as set in stone as I thought they were.

No matter your age, you can still act like a jealous, petty teenager.

Having no empathy is bad but it's just as bad to have too much.

Don't give so much of yourself that you have NOTHING left for you.

Be so attracted to yourself that you never have to worry about whether someone else is.

Insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting a different result.

It's okay to be single.

The right anti-depressant makes all the difference in the world.

He will always go back to the baby mama.

Your best friend can be your ex and your ex can be your best friend. (think about that one for a minute)

I don't like being put on pedestals because the higher you're placed, the farther you may have to fall.

I can last six months without sex.

Six months without sex kinda sucks. (or not sucks, if you want to use a pun)

I never want to dye my hair an "extreme" color again. (Stained nails, body, clothes, pillowcases, shower, and walls)

I love my curls.

I hate my curls.

Curl cream is a life-saver.

I love getting free samples.

I have pretty tittays.

Nipple piercing hurts like a bitch!

Revenge can happen inadvertedly.

A connection is a connection, no matter if it's in person or over the internet.

Some of the most reserved and quiet-looking people can be crazy as hayle (in a good way) and can Crunk their asses off!


Finally...I've learned that I love, luv, lub, and luff my Crunk fam! I want to say thanks to y'all because I never knew that a connection with so many people who are not face-to-face was possible. Y'all have made me laugh my ass off, enriched my vocabulary (peen, pus'e, dack, hamhock hoes), given me advice whether I wanted it or not (lol), and comforted me through some of the worst times I've had this year. I don't know what I would've done without y'all and I damn sho don't wanna find out. I LOVE Y'ALL NEGUSES AND YT (there's only one)!!


Crunk will be great in '08,

Reina Negra V

The Tops of 2007

No...not the geigh kind of tops. I know you were thinking it, Coco and Q! (D) to bof a y'all!

From now until New Years, I plan to do a list of my favortite...whatevers of 2007. This one will cover my favorite songs of 2007. The list will be split into two categories: Songs That Were Released in 2007 and Songs I didn't discover until 2007.

Without further adieu...


Songs Released in 2007/Songs on Albums Released in 2007 (in no particular order)

Wake Up Call - Maroon 5
Intruder Alert - Lupe Fiasco
Go Baby - Lupe Fiasco
Clumsy - Fergie
Am I Dreaming/Como Un Sueno - Kat Deluna
Amor Gitano - Alejandro Fernández ft. Beyonce
Ayo Technology - 50 Cent ft. Justin Timberlake and Timberland
Beautiful Liar - Beyonce ft. Shakira
Best of Me - Chrisette Michelle
Bed - J. Holiday
Bruised but Not Broken - Joss Stone
Amusement Park - 50 Cent
Wanna Lick - 50 Cent ft. L'il Kim
Champion - Kanye West
Circle/Circle Instrumental - Marques Houston
Cold As Fire - Britney Spears
The Coolest - Lupe Fiasco
Crown Royal - Jill Scott
Didn't I Tell You - Keyshia Cole ft. Too Short
Die - Lupe Fiasco
Do You - Ne-Yo
Dufflebag Boy - Playaz Circle ft. L'il Wayne
Falling Down - Duran Duran
Follow You Home - Nickelback
Forever - Jennifer Lopez
Get Gone - Amerie
Get Me Bodied (Extended Mix) - Beyonce
Gimme More - Britney Spears
Go Ahead - Alicia Keys
Go Go Gadget Flow - Lupe Fiasco
Gotta Eat - Lupe Fiasco
Green Light - Beyonce
Heaven Sent - Keyshia Cole
Hi-Definition - Lupe Fiasco ft. Snoop Dogg and GemStones
Hot Thing - Talib Kweli
If I Had My Way - Chrisette Michelle
International Players Anthem - UGK ft. Outkast
Kiss Kiss - Chris Brown ft. T-Pain
L'il Love - Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft. Mariah Carey and Bow Wow
Lost Without You - Robin Thicke
Make It Work - Ne-Yo
Make Me Better - Fabolous ft. Ne-Yo
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
Mirror - Ne-Yo
Ms. Philadelphia - Musiq Soulchild
No One - Alicia Keys
One Night Only (Disco) - Dreamgirls 2007
One Night Only (Soul) - Jennifer Holiday
Only You - Jill Scott ft. Erykah Badu
Ooh Ooh Baby - Britney Spears
Paint Me Over - Amerie
Perfect Lover - Britney Spears
Pop Bottles - L'il Wayne and Birdman
Prostitute Flange - L'il Wayne
Put You On Game - Lupe Fiasco
The Real Thing - Jill Scott
Roc Boyz (And the Winner Is...) - Jay-Z
Rockstar - Nickelback
Sexy Lady - Yung Berg ft. Junior
Sell Me Candy - Rihanna
Shut Up and Drive - Rihanna
Stronger/Stronger Instrumental - Kanye West ft. Daft Punk
Suga Mama - Beyonce
Summer Love - Justin Timberlake
Te Lo Agradezco, Pero No - Alejandro Sanz ft. Shakira
Teach Me - Musiq Soulchild
That's Right - Ciara ft. Lil Jon
That's What U R - Amerie
Until the End of Time - Justin Timberlake
Unappreciated - Cherish
Us Placers - Child Rebel Soldier (Lupe Fiasco, Kanye West and Pharell)
Wait For You - Eliot Yamin
What Goes Around.../...Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
What What (In the Butt) - Samwell
Whenever - Cherish
Why Should I Be Sad? - Britney Spears
World Wide Woman - Beyonce
Yahhh! - Soulja Boy ft. Arab

Pt. 2 ASAP!

Dramatic. Cunt.

OVAH!

I Got That 'Rilla Looooooove

I know that this is an interview and I know that he's actually answering the questions but when I see his sexiness and his gorgeous eyes (although that screen shot is hurrible)...



...they might as well be adults in Charlie Brown's world 'cause I promise all I hear is "Wah. Wah-wah-wah-wah. K'nahmsayin'?".

Oh, Fiddy. What I wouldn't give to be able to feel tiny in your arms, make love all night and then wake up in the morning and cook you some cheesy eggs and fried bologna! *shivers in extacy*



Don't look at me like that, y'all! I gotta have someone to fulfill my needs until Mr. Wasulu Muhammad Jaco comes to claim me as his wife!


Oh, and Curtis...I lubs you. I really do. Oh, the things I would let you do!

I would let you beat it up and hobble my ass into the kitchen to fix you whatever you want no matter what time it is.

I would lick the muthafuckin' sweat off of your collarbone.

I would grab your ears and keep your ass well-fed (ahem) for DAYS.

I would practice Pliates AND Yoga just so you can twist my ass like a pretzel.

I would show you why somebody asked me if I was half-giraffe (context clues...STOP! Think about it!).


However...

You pull some shit like THIS on me



And you WILL be fucked to the UP, mah nigga. *blows a kiss*

Study This Melodic Flow

In "honor" of my former dealer (and current person in my heart even though he shouldn't and doesn't want to be) turning 21 in about 3 hours (2 hours if you're on the East Coast like he supposedly is), I've decided to post the last poem I wrote which just happened to be about him. I wrote this in 2006 in either late January or sometime in February on the L after our Spanish 101 class.


Rated "G" for Geekiness concerning "Sin City". And possibly "L" for Lame.

Ahem.


I'm straight up feelin' like Nancy Callahan
Wanting, needing, and craving a man I can't have
Like Dwight had his Gail
Even Marv had his Goldie
I can't help but want him on me
To know that he really wants me
And I'm feeling so lonely
And DAMN I want him next to me
Touching me
Kissing me
Caressing my body
Oh!
Just to kiss those sexy ass lips
While his hands are on my hips
With his chest against my tits
I can't resist
Looking into his soulful eyes
I realize
I want him WAY more than I ever should
So...what's good?
*scoffs*
Not a DAMN thang...

Winterland Fuckery

Yeah, I know it's not technically winter yet but dammit it shole look like it, so that's what it's a-gonna be, ya dig?

Coo.


So...I was coming back from downtown where I was taking care of some business for La Madre de Reina when I saw this cutie on the same L car as me. Usually, I start sending out all kinds of signals and whatnot but that hasn't really been working for me so I decided to glance back every now and then and let him come to me. I also didn't say anything because he looked like he was tired and/or stoned and/or that he would punch someone out for even saying "boo" to him. He finally caught my eye and grinned. I motioned him to come and sit down next to me (gotta love those two-seaters) but he wouldn't. Ah well. I went back to listening to my iPod.

After a few minutes (and about 4 or 5 stops away from mine) he gets up and sits down in a seat facing me but quite a bit a ways (the L riders know what I'm talmbout. That section right before you get to the end of the car) from me. Again, I motioned (like an idjit) but he mouthed that he was getting off soon, so I said fuck it. He got up and stood by the door but two stops passed and his ass didn't get off. He asked me to come and (like an idjit) I did.

We made small talk, found out each other's names and I asked him if he had a girlfriend.

Him: ...Somethin' like dat.

Now, y'all know I walked off and left his ass, right? I sat my ass right back down and no more than ten seconds passed by before he beckoned me again.

Me: Ain't you supposed to had been off? (Yes, I talk like that from time to time.)

Him: Yeah, but I wanted to talk to you. Step outside with me.

Me: Nigga, are you crazy? It's cold as hayle out there!

Him: Come on, now. Please?

Me: *sighs and steps out onto the platform with him*


The only reason I did as he asked was the fact that we were pretty much in my neighborhood (and I knew a couple of people 'round there in case shit popped off) and we were just one stop away from where I lived. He started talmbout how he had his own car and his own crib and shit.

Him: Where you on yo way to?

Me: HOME.

Him: Whachu doin' afta dat?

Me: Um...eatin' my Italian Beef, thawin' out and goin' ta bed. *laughs*

Him: Why don't chu come kick it wif me fo a while?

Me: *looks at him like he's loco* Kick it wif you where?

Him: At mah criiiiiib. I'll take you where you gotta go and then we can kick it.

Me: Oooh...um...nah. I've had...experiences wif that shit, so...

Him: I ain't li--

Me: I ain't sayin' you are but I'm jus' sayin'.

Him: Iight.

Me: Um...I can be kinda brash so I'ma jus' ask you like this: Are you trying to fuck me or somethin'?

Him: *grins* I mean, I wouldn't mind...

Me: Oh, uhn-uhn! *CTFU*

Him: *laughing* I mean, we adults an' shit, ri'?

I forgot exactly what was said after that. Prolly just small talk and shit.

Him: So what do you do?

Me: *skrong ass side-eye*

Him: I ain't talkin' bout that, girl! Damn! *laughs*

Me: Oh. Um...*proceeds to tell him some shit* What about you?

Him: *beaming* I like to chill, drank, smoke, take care of my son and I got one on the way...


o_0


Me: *soundin' like a LaQuann'a* Oh, uh-UHHHHHHHHHNNNN!! *storms off*

Him: *grabs my hand* Hol' onhol'onhol'on! Lemme guess...no kids?

Me: *shakes my hand away* No kids. Don't see none for the future. Don't even know if I wanna have any. Nice to meet you *starts to walk away*

Him: Damn, it's like dat?

Me: *pats him on the shoulder* Chayeaaaah...Nice to meet cha! *walks off quickly*

What type of shit is that?!? How he gon' try to get at me when he has a child "In utero" as Q said the other day. Both her and my mother agreed on one thing: At least he told me! Can't fault him for that, I guess.


*sighs* It's too bad. I really could've used a dark-skinned Sticky Fangaz/Wesley Pipes hybrid. After all, Wesley is the genius that gave us this video (NSFW, dammit!!)



Sessy, right? Erf. And dude had flat-ass piano keys for teef but somehow, someway it worked. Ah well. Can't win 'em all, right?

And They Called Him "Dickalicious"

On the way to see The Dealer (well, former now, I guess) a bit less than a month ago, I happened to look up the escalator to see a guy looking down at me and bobbin' his head to whatever I was listening to (damn those loud ass headphones!). He started flirting with me and seeing as how I was on my way to Happy Dick and Pus'e Land (didn't get there but we ain't gonna talk about that right nah, mmkay?) I was feeling a bit...we'll say "generous" so I decided to engage ol' boy.

Some of the things he wanted me to know:

He's a rapper. That seems to be a very common occupation around here. Kinda makes me wistful for the days when some dudes named Soldiers of War would walk up and down 87th hawking their CD's. *sighs*

He's part American Indian. Now, that shit was skrait up out of the blue cause wasn't nan nobody talking about heritage. He just had to point out the "good hurr". SMH

He has two kids by the same woman. Oh, and I'm supposed to believe there's no BMD (Baby Mama Drama)? Yuh-huh.

He has a really big dick and used to be a stripper by the name of "Dickalicious".


*record scratches*


*blinks*


Ok, what had happened was...

On the L platform, I told him that I was on the way to see my guy. I specifically left my destination a bit ambiguous until I could check him out more. Yeah...once he sat down next to me and I got a whiff of his breff (YES, breff!) my destination suddenly became clear to me and I "remembered" that I had a "boyfriend". After hearing that, he swung his ass around the pole next to my seat to get to another so fast I thought his ass was...

A) Spiderman

B) Practicing the "Sante Fe" dance routine from Rent: The Movie

or C) A skrippa.


Turns out the answer was "C".


He told me that that's how he got that move and then he started telling me how he got the name. Apparently, he's too big for a lot of females to handle. *rolls eyes* It's not the first time I've heard that (although it's the first time I heard it on the damn train) and it's not gonna be the last but the shit that kills me is the fact that he was stating that "fact" as plainly as he would say anything else. He didn't go the whole, "Yeah, it's BIG. Can YOU handle it?" or wink at me or any of the usual shit. He just said it straight out. I kinda had to respect his gangsta for that.


Did I mention that the whole time this was occuring I was trying really really hard not to laugh my ayass (yep) off? Thought y'all might wanna know that li'l tidbit.

Anyway, he started on the whole, "We can just be friends." thing but y'all know how that shit goes and he was starting to be on some, "What he don't know won't hurt him" BS so I shot him down and he took his ass to the next car.


So, let's review:

He's a rapper
He drew attention to his "good hurr" and let me in on his ancestry
He has two kids by the same woman (did I mention dude's, like, 22?)
He used to be a skrippa
He has a big dick that most women can't handle
He has hot ass breff
Yep, sounds like a hood romance (possibly a homance) to me! *shudders*

Oh, and I never did get the dick that night.


Damn.

To the Older Fellas Out There...

Now...I know y'all may look at Russy and Kimora and Jay and Bey and think that y'all could pull a younger chick. It actually just may be true but the diff between them and you is that they have confidence and swagga. Lemme explain.


Almost a month ago, I was on my way to see The Dealer (yep, THAT Dealer) after a four month hiatus (we kinda hated each other for a while) when a really cute man caught my eye. I was getting off of the bus and heading down the L steps when something told me to look up. Lo and behold, there the man was looking down on me. I figured I had a bit of time to kill so I walked back up the steps and got into a lil convo. Dude was tall, light-skinedededed with nice eyes and a pleasant voice. We talked a bit about this and that but the thing that turned me off (besides the fact that he was cutting into my Dealer time) was he kept saying, "You're so CUUUUUUUTE!".

*blinks*

Dude, I'm 23 years old and you're 35. That ain't exactly what I wanna be hearing right nah! By this time, we had already exchanged numbers, so I'm like whatevs. I FINALLY went on the train and off to happy Dick and Punani land for the night.


A few days go by and dude keeps calling and I don't answer or call him back. Why? Well, first of all, I kinda, sorta wasn't home for a couple of days. *smirks* Second of all, I just...didn't. *shrugs* He kept leaving messages and I kept doing me. Then came the last message...

Him: I guess you're not going to return my call but I know you have my number. I believe the reason you're not calling is because I told you that I don't have a vehicle at the present time. So when I get my degree I will be making $40 an hour so it won't be a problem to get a car. Just wanted to let you know that. But you don't want to take the time to talk to me now, so...it's not my loss. Have a good one. Bye.

0_o


*falls out laughing*


Keep in mind I met this nigga while I was getting off of the bus and he was getting on so him having a ride was NOT important to me! So this muthafucka wanna act all bashful and insecure when I ask him his age ('cause he knows he's up there in age) and when I ask him to take off his hat ('cause his ass is balding)and then has the nerve to not only get pissy when I don't call him back but try to insinuate that I'm a golddigger!


Fellas, PLEASE get your confidence and swagger up! If you don't have the balls to talk to a 23 year old woman then PLEASE do not try. That shit is embarassing for the both of us.

Gimme Gimme Ron!

And he still put more efoort into it than Brit-Brit. *sighs*

Hell Yeah, I'd Smash!

Yep, that's Miss Kimberly Locke from "American Idol" gettin' her sang on in her bra and panties. Now...usually I frown on this type of shit but she's thick, her body is glistening, and I'm horny as hell right now, so *puts thumbs up*.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

To prepare for the "holiday", I read about all of the traps for "Saw". No, I did not see the movies. Yes, I'm a pussy when it comes to gorey/splatter/torture-porn films! So damn what! *side-eyes Chris*

Anyway, on C+D, I started futzing around with the concept of celebrity "Saw" traps, so without further adieu, here is the first of a possible series!

NOTE: This is all done in fun and I do not wish any of the celebrities harmed and/or killed.


Beyonce

She wakes up in a concert arena, strapped to a chair with wires attached to her hair and clothes. A tape clicks on.

Jigsaw: Beyonce Knowles. You are admired all over the world for many things, but moreso for your luxurious locks. Your assertion that your hair is real fools your adoring public but it has not fooled me. You are also admired for having a successful career which you avoid the trappings of by your virtue of modesty. *chuckles*

*quick clips of Beyonce's "wardrobe malfunctions" are shown on a screen in front of her*

Millions of females hope that they can be just like you because you're so...real. Well, let's see how they feel after your test.

If you want to live, you will have to shed those things that make you "real". Make your way to the exit directly in front of you and you will find a key that unlocks the door. Let the game begin.

*tape clicks off*

*spotlight shines on her*

She trys to get out of the chair and feels her lacefront and clothes pulling. Suddenly, she hears an unholy roar and feels trembles beneath her feet. Panicked, she bolts out of the chair, and her lacefront and clothing are ripped off by the wires. Tear-stained, bloody and naked, she runs to the edge of the stage.

*house lights come up*

The roars and trembling she heard and felt were those of the packed house in the concert arena, expecting to see an impromptu concert. Cameras flash all around her and cell phone cameras roll. Blinded by the lights, she runs through the irate crowd to get to the exit. After fighting her way through the laughing and disgusted fans, she finds the key and unlocks the door. She runs out into the lobby but doesn't notice that her feet passes through a laser. The laser triggers a gun and a single bullet is fired into her right temple.

The crowd hears the shot and runs out into the lobby. There they find a dead Beyonce, face-down with a bloody gun in her hand.

After worldwide speculations and "witnesses", it is concluded that Beyonce died of a self-inflicted gunshot would to the head. Sources say that rather than dealing with the shame of being shown to be false, she killed herself.

Please Teach the Babies AND Yourself!

While reading the O Hell Nawl blog, I came across a seriously funny post about Biracial kids' hair and their white parent's completely inability to find out what the fuck to do for their hair. Come to think of it, for some reason, it's very rare that I see a mixed child's hair to be kempt and tamed. Often it's frizzy, dry and leaves them lookin' like a used paintbrush. *sighs* Why? Is there not ANYONE the unknowledgeable parent can talk to about products and styling techniques? Is the Black partner's family unwilling to share their hair care secrets?

The person I feel sorry for the most is the child.

Parents: Your children should NOT walk around looking disheveled as hayle cause you can't get on the 'Net/talk to a
friend/elder/relative/cosmotologist/whoever about what to do for that child's hair! No, you can't just put a ton of grease in it but you also can't just wash it and let it flow in the breeze! Why does it seem like no one can find a happy medium?

Ok, there are some parents who end up taking their precious one to a salon or over someone's house to get it done and it looks nice...

...then two weeks later, the chile is walking around with frizzy ass braids/ponytails/whatever 'cause SOMEBODY didn't take the time to find out how to keep the style up! *throws up hands*

The saddest part about all of this? The child is not taught to LOVE his or her hair texture or to play with it or to embrace it...they're taught to destroy it because "nothing else works". Believe me, I know of which I speak. As a child, my hair was VERY thick and wavy. Hell, it still is. The main problem for me and my mother was the fact that I had these little eensy weensy waves all over my head which made it HELL to comb through! Seriously, Sunday nights played out like a torture flim.

Act 1: HANGING BY A STRAND

For some reason, my dear mother LOVED to braid my hair into little ass cornrows. Shit looked fly when it was done, but MAAAAAAAAN...getting there was a bitch! Anyway, she would make me take down my hair so she could wash it. Do you know how long it took me to do that shit? One to two hours! By the end of it, my arms would be quivering more than Big Gay Al when he realized what "consumating the marriage" meant!


Act 2: PROJECT WATER TORTURE

With a dirty mass upon my head, I was then lead to the sink by my mother. Then it began: The few tricklets of water streaming down my face. Then a full-on current of water dead in the face! I don't know what the FUCK my mother's problem was but she damn near drowned me every. single. time she washed my hair! It always took about 20 or 30 minutes cause the water had to soften the hair, then the shampoo had to be lathered (which, as y'all with kinky hair know ain't a-gonna happen the first time around, most likely), then it had to be scrubbed into the scalp and then the rinsing. SWEET JEEBUS, the rinsing!

Keep this in mind:

We didn't have one of those fancy spray hoses that connected to the faucet. Our oh-so-lovely ABLA project home had only a standard faucet. Now, it's bad enough that I had to crane my neck under that damn thing to fit but in order to get enough pressure to get the suds and dirt out, my mother would press her fingers on the faucet to create a spray.

...yeah, Shamu made less of a splash than that shit did.


Act 3: THE REVENGE OF BEY'S BREF

So, after looking and feeling like a drowned rat, my mother would set me down on the bed, hand me a hair dryer and go on about her business getting ready for work and/or school the next morning. To recap, my arms feel like I've been dangling from a dusty lacefront for days and I'm waterlogged as hell and this chick wants me to use my arms AGAIN to blowdry my shit? Y'all, I've always loved my mother but my dislike of her started very early with this shit! Who ever heard of a self-service salon?!?

"Yeah, take down your hair and blowdry it and I'll wash it and style it."

o_O

So after ANOTHER hour of getting through the Amazonian jungle (but with considerably less moisture) that was my hair it was time for the last and most brutal act...



Act 4: THE SCALPING

*winces and shakes in rememberance* Going through this act is what made me turn to tha Creamy Crack aka Relaxer aka Perm. LAWD, I was screaming bloody murder for 4 hours every fuckin' Sunday because Mama wanted to be cute with the braids.

Ol' heffa. *snorts*

I'm telling you, the scalping machine in "Saw 4" would've felt better to me than this shit! *punches the air like Ricky in "Boyz N Da Hood"*

I was tenderhead as HAYLE so y'all already KNOW how that shit goes. Add on to that an annoyed-at-my-screaming mama and fun times were had by all! Every now and then she would pop my ass with the (grease covered) comb and let me know that if I didn't stop screaming like I was getting abused she would give me a real reason to scream. Good times, y'all.

So...after all of that a beautiful young lady with tear-stained cheeks and grease-stained arms would stand before my mother. A girl who was Black, German, Jewish and Blackfoot, who looked Puerto Rican but had eyes like a Japanese chick from the braids being so tight! She knew how tight to braid them, though cause I never had bumps and I still have my edges. Uh, fuck yeah!


Unfortunately, the drama AND the trauma of us not knowing what the hell else to do with my hair (and due to there not being many products for mixed kids) led us to what we both considered to be OUR salvation: Relaxer.

Oy.

It was cool at first because with a little burning and spoiled somethingorother smell, I had managable ass hair! Years later I just couldn't deal with the hassle anymore: the smell, the burning, my hair burning off at the roots, the upkeep, the flat irons and most of all, the TIME! Eventually, I just cut the shit off and went natural and that's where I've been for about 4 years. That creamy crack be caaaaaaaaallin' me sometimes but I know that I'm better off for getting that shit outta my life.


ANYWAY...the point of all that was...wait...lessee...

Right! Not teaching the child to love their hair. *shuffles topic cards* Okay.

I cannot tell you how pissed off and disgusted I get at the "My Child NEEDS a Makeoever!!" shows on TV, specifically "Maury". First of all, the fact that you're telling a national audience that your child is looking so fucked up that they "need" a makeover is a bit distasteful to me.

Second, the fact that the mother (it's always the mother and she's always white) not only will allow her child to look like whodiditandranandwherecanwefindhisasssohewon'tdoitagain in their everyday lives - she will take that child on the air looking like that! Do you know how fragile kids' feelings can be and how cruel those lil' bastards are? You really think a hot comb will keep the child from getting teased once that shit airs? Chile, boo!

The two things that fuck me up most are the "solutions" and the aftermath.

What's the FIRST damn thing the stylists do when taking on the "challenge" of Biracial hair? RELAX IT! And we're not talking about just putting a little bit in and letting it sit for a small amount of time to loosen the curls. Nope, we talmbout full on, napalm bomb-strength, 45 minutes, cuticle destroying, bone-straight hair!


*screams in frustration*

So, instead of showing the child how to nurture her hair, you teach her to fuck it up. Nice. As if that wasn't insult enough, the child's hair STILL be looking frizzy and dry as hell!

*smacks forehead on desk*

The aftermath? *sighs* It really does hurt my heart when they do an update and the girl is all, "I have sooooooo many new friends at school now! Thanks, Maury! *waves*". That shit cuts me in two ways: One, it shows how kids can be so fickle and so rude to those that are different from them in any way. Two, she had to get her hair straightened to get accepted at school (and sometimes in her own family). I wish I could say that if she had been in school with healthy natural hair that she would've gotten the same results but I honestly don't know. It never turns out that way on TV. Sometimes it doesn't turn out that way in real life.

*sighs with a heavy heart*

*wipes tears*


The point to all of this is NOT to demonize the relaxing of one's hair. If that's how you rock it and it works for you, DO YOU! I understand that for a lot of sistahs it's not about trying to look white, it's about managablity, versatility or you just like the way it looks. That's FINE.

The point of all this is to say that we seriously need to start educating ourselves and others about how to have healthy natural hair. We don't have to load it down with grease and we don't have to burn it into submission. We CAN have unfrizzy, moisturized looking AND feeling, natural hair. We just have to be willing to take the journey to get there. And PLEASE take the babies along for the ride! Use Corbin Blu as inspiration or whatever, just do it.



4 years CC-free and counting,


Reina Negra V

HEE HEE! SHAMONE IT!

Ya know...I actually like this one. I think it's really creative. That said, I would've been muerte if one of them had busted his shit trying to do the lean. Fuck tha bitches, y'all shoulda did it for the lulz! Bitches luuuuuh the lulz!


And Chris...if you never knew it before, I abosolutely love you, if for no other reason, for the pure fuckery you bring into my life.


Moonwalk that *tears shirt open and stands in front of wind machine* HOOOOOOOOOOOO!,


Reina Negra V

Messed Up My Flow

Today was kind of an eventful day. I crunked, talked to one of my fav Crunkettes, Q and I went out to take care of some business. I got on the bus near my house and I saw a really cute guy and an older woman looking at me and cheesing. I found out that they were LOVING my hair (it's blue, doncha know?). I wanted to say something to the guy but 1) I didn't know the relationship between them (stranger shit has happened) and 2) I was getting off of the bus soon. It was cool though. I could stand to let a cutie pass me by. Then I got off of the bus.

And he got off with me.

*smirks*

I walked up to him and told him that I just had to tell him how cute he was. And he was! He looked like Memp Bleek...




...just without the head.



Or the window licker-ish faces he sometimes produces like JoJo Simmons.



Dude was cute as hell, y'all! Lil' ass t'weren't nan but 20 years old but he was sex-ay! We exchanged names and were about to exchange numbers when...


His muthafuckin' boys pulled up in a ride and his fool ass ran over to them and got in the car like, "Sorry!".


My face cracked worst than an egg in the microwave.


All I could think of saying was, "HOW Y'ALL JUST GON' MESS UP MAH PIMPIN' LIKE DAT?!? Y'ALL SUCK!". I was dying laughing when I said it though.


No love lost. Just proves that he was too young to deal with this chica anyway. I mean, it's all about priorities. He KNEW he was about to get the digits and he jumps in the car with his boys? His mind's still in that group mentality. Bros over "hoes" or whatever you want to call it. Pero, no me importa. I'm supposed to be getting a call from a cute ass guy that I actually ran (yes RAN) back for about 15 or 20 minutes before that. I'll let y'all know how it goes.


Now if y'all will excuse me, I'm bout to get my eat on. Them $ .59 McD's cheeseburgers ain't no joke and a bish is hongray!


- - - *hungry Aretha face*



Reina Negra V

Don't We All?

One time I took a MySpace survey and one of the questions was, "Do you want to be famous?". My answer: HAYLE NAH! Why? 'Cause I don't wanna go through the shit! Tabloids, pressures, poor decision. I can do all that without hanger-ons, easy access to drugs, and a shitload of money, thankyouverymuch! This vid encapsulates that feeling and more. Enjoy!

Dedicated to Nik and E Dub

This seems to have been a really shitty week for a couple of my friends. :-( Both are dealing with a major loss and I really don't know how to help. I don't even know if I can. These two people mean a lot to me and both have had a hand in shaping the person writing this blog. Both have been there for me when I was feeling at my lowest so I want to be there for them. I call, I leave messages on FB and MS, whatever I can to show them that I care.

Two songs popped into my head when thinking about their sitchyations. One could be seen as being from their point of view and the other could be seen as my response. Don't look at me like that! This is how I express myself sometimes. I can't sing and I'm not good at writing lyrics so I let the lyrics of others speak for me (and sometimes for everyone else lol).

To Nik and E, if y'all are reading this, I hope that you find some comfort in these songs and that y'all truly see how I feel about all of this. I also want to say I'm sorry. I know that loss is a messed up thing whether it's your lover or a loved one.

E - Remember what I told you the other day: I know you're sad but take comfort in the fact that he's not feeling any kind of pain anymore.

N - If they ain't gonna treat you the way you want then LET THEM GO!

I love y'all crazy asses (said with a LOT of love) and I miss y'all!


Reina Negra V aka V-Bear aka Bighead


Troubles by Alicia Keys

Dear Lord, can You take it away?
This pain in my heart just follows me by day.
And at night, it stalks me like the shadows on my wall.
Oh my goodness…

Feel like the world is closing on me
Feel like my dreams will never come to me
I keep on slippin’ deeper into myself
And I'm scared, so scared.

If you’re troubled, you’ve just gotta let it go
If you’re worried, baby, you’ve just gotta let it go
All your hustles seem for nothin’, you’ve just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know

Why does it feel that my mind is constantly trying to pull me down?
I can’t seem to get away
Continuous mistakes I know I made before
How long will I feel so out of place?

If you’re troubled, you’ve just gotta let it go
If you’re worried, baby, you’ve just gotta let it go
All your hustles seem for nothin’, you’ve just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know...



Security by Joss Stone aka my response

A loss that would have thrown a hole through anybody's soul
And you were only human after all
So don't hold back the tears, my dear
Release them so your eyes can clear
I know that you will rise again but you gotta let them fall
I wish that I could snap my fingers
Erase the past but no
You cannot rewind reality
Once the tape's unrolled

If your spirit's broken and you can't bear the pain
I will help you put the pieces back a little more each day
And if your heart is locked and you can't find the key
Lay your head upon my shoulder
I'll set you free
I'll be your security

A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
But don't go giving into fear
Stop hiding all alone in there
The show keeps going on and on but you'll miss the whole damn thing
I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future holds
But we don't know how the story ends till it's all been told

On any clock upon the wall the time is always now
So baby kiss the past goodbye
Don't let the future blow your mind
Just sit back and chill
Take things as they come
You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way...

If You Were Looking For It...